If he comes back to you and I'm left alone in lonelytown I'm totally going to poo on your car.
hey, can i borrow that thing you never use?
what?
your penis
im in class. still drunk. wearing one sock. eating a breakfast sandwich and trying to make sure this bottle of whiskey doesnt fall out of my purse in front of my professor
you do realize eating doritos and gatorade as a breakfast hangover cure is only acceptable for one more month - then we have to grow up
was his dick as big as our hopes and dreams?
Her voice kills me. Its the perfect pitch to fuck with my hangover.
There are six slides. In going to pee in five of them. You have to guess which one to go down. Agree?
Agreed.
I'm gonna do some tripping... In the direction of balls
Hes pre-made beer lollipops so he "can suck before the sex" QUOTE!
So our annual Dick Trip has been tentatively scheduled for the week of July 1 - 5. This years theme is "Fucking for Freedom".
We broke up. And I told him he better give me my fucking star wars movies tomorrow. Priorities.
Testing the emergency boobs hotline
Bringing my mom Taco Bell and weed. I'm such a good daughter
But really, someone with a penis give me attention before I start posting nudes on Instagram.
He's ready to settle down, whereas I'm like "More shots please"
Randomize
