where'd the toddler underneathe the beer pong table come from?
Lesbians are nicde people they do not take debit cards
So I am guessing last night was a success we are all accounted for and only 3 of us have hospital bracelets on
You should've come to the party. It was like an identity parade of everyone you screwed last year.
I don't care who it's from we're getting blown. It's a 3 day weekend anything can happen
i had a long naked conversation with the cop on why is everything fun illegal
I'll just be sleeping in this laundry room. Come get me at bar close.
I have a theory that years from now they will be with women who despise me because of what I trained their husbands to like.
...I'm not a booty call or a pizza...you can't just call/text and expect to be eating me in an hour..
He said I looked like a ballsack and I tried to choke him out with my Ghostbusters pajama pants. Happy fucking Halloween.
just woke up on my patio with a mouse eating cheetos off mys chest. youre all assholes.
whatever bro. i had ice cream and whiskey for breakfast and its noon. this is the second worst christmas ever.
To get him to come she paid for his uber and promised that someone in the house would give him head. it worked
Why did you have to tell me he has a hammer cock? Now I can’t stop staring at his pants.
She has my name on her bucket list. I’m either getting laid or killed
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