its 9am. i just got home. spent 6 hours blowing him in a closet last night
bad: friday night i tripped and fell outside my dorm. worse: i just found out i broke my ankle. worst: i was shitfaced and don't remember any of this.
Id love to say been there done that but im a slutty drunk not a stupid one.
Just got blown on the bus in front of abot 20 ppl. Lots of high fives.
id like to point out that while i was just peeing a condom fell out of my vag.
I need a legitimate reason as to why the microwave door is in the shower
I'm just going to say , cocktail races are not for a Wednesday night maybe not even a Friday type of deal
Our penis' have led to more networking than mark zuckerberg.
My month off booze swimsuit season diet plan is working well. Plus I'm learning so much about my house, did you know a girl named Meagan lives here?
So we played the stone cold theme song and continued to chug 2 beers at once and everyone just looked in shock
There is a 90 percent chance I threw up in a mailbox last night....
I just heard myself say the sentence "I'm gonna go to the bank then take a nap". 8 year old me just slapped my present self through the space-time continuum for being an old fuck.
I've had more lap dances than hrs of sleep since Thursday, this is why you're planning all three of my bachelor parties
I'm so horny right now but I JUST put my fuckin lasagna in the oven
I feel like I have the I just lost my virginity face and everyone at the grocery store knows it.
The career specialist read an Onion article to us. Please send help.
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