Bleh. If he hadn't ascended into heaven and sat at the right hand of the father, Jesus would be rolling over in his grave right now.
He has some good qualities. Beneath the layers of asshole and fat.
Just saw the pics you left in my phone. thanks for reminding me that last night was not a dream.
you dialed the number "23" then talked to it for three minutes
Dude I'm drinking a martini out of a water bottle, I've become my parents.
i just drank the rest of the vodka . Btw why did we put candy corn in it?
i was that girl throwing up in the urinal. it was a dark moment in my life.
I had to step in when you tried to make it rain baking powder on my sister
Would it be tacky of me to tell the two girls I just found out he's been sleeping with on the side that I've been having gay sex with him all semester?
She had like a side ponytail and hoop earrings though. And legwarmers. Like a horrible 80s nightmare. Don't drink and dream, dude.
She told me she was the Publishers Clearing House of Dicks. Two dicks a day, everyday for life.
I don't need tinder boy anymore but I do need free sushi
Just got an email from match.com trying to match me with My ex..I nearly pissed myself laughing
he broke off the kiss to ask "can I grab your boob?" like props for asking for clear and concise consent but there HAS to be a sexier way to do it
Slowly dying because of my period and my phone is mocking me because I have 69% battery
Randomize
