Dogs love guiness but it fucks up their kidneys
Report just came out that Tim Tebow is a virgin but I have proof he is not. He's bent Florida State over the last four years in a row.
That bus ride was like a tour of all the bushes I puked behind last night
i just sat down and hooked up with this girl. after she left i called over another girl and did the same. this happened about four more times and i never left my chair
oh my god. the driver of our party bus just said "no drugs unless you're sharin," my confidence in him is not high at the moment
Drinks appeared in front of me. Who am I to deny destiny? And by destiny, I mean free drinks, which appear by magic.
I sincerely hope you find your fuck buddy and have a wonderful night of champagne and whores
The one with glasses said he was keeping my bra. He had me sign it before he left and he said he would be hanging it up in his bunker. I support our troops.
I'm just so happy. I go to sleep and when I wake up there will be chocolate milk and penis.
I JUST WOKE UP WITH MY UBER DRIVER
He and I didn't so much date, as watch cartoons and go down on each other.
I've had more sex since the twins moved in than I'd had in the previous four years. They are the best wingman ever.
There's a dude wearing a banana suit at the house across the street....
I knew I no longer wanted to bone him when he put the Grease soundtrack on as "mood music", no guy looks attractive singing and dancing to greased lightning naked.
You offered him a “Sorry I Blew Your Brother” Blowjob. How does that make it right?
I promised him it would be better than the one I gave his brother which is really nice of me since their actually only half brothers and his brother is cuter
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