Discovered the coffee filter hasn't been changed in a while. I believe the mold has hypnotic properties. Would try it again, but coffee vomit is not pleasant.
all i remember thinking as i was puking my intestines out is : wow.. this toilet does look like it's from the future.
I found a picture of my kindergarten class. Now you can see whose peer pressure I succumbed to.
I've reached the slutty point of no return. And it feels like multiple orgasms and coke lines
all i know is that i listed him in my phone as 'vagina cookies.' that can only be a good thing.
She wasnt impressed wen i brought a guy for her back with me, a 3am impromptu sperm donor is not a gd birthday present. Im a bad gf.
I don't care if there's a party or not. I just want to be half naked in a cape with a never-ending supply of alcohol within arm's length at all times. Make it happen.
Jesus, I think this onesie was designed to keep me from masturbating.
Wait is this black Chris #1, cocaine Chris, or gay Chris?
No this is saxophone Chris
Dude, if that was the MLB player I think it was leaving your bedroom this morning please tell me you got his autograph. It could pay the rent for like six months.
this makes me concerned. not enough to actually do anything about it, but yeah.
I love how encouraging you are, but I need you to stop me when the guy I'm going home with is a dead ringer for Nick Cage.
Got wasted in a little tiki hut by the beach yesterday. Woke up with a coconut and half of a mushroom burger in my purse. I also have a picture of our Romanian bartender's fingernails on my phone lol
Why do you always wake up with meat in your purse?
Just packed vodka and spare underwear into my purse- totally set for watching the hockey with him tonight
Our fake lesbian relationship is better than her real relationship. Bitch be jealous
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