the drag queen on stage looks like shes wearing the EXACT same dress i wore 2 senior prom.
girl in front of me at starbucks just ordered 7 shots of espresso in her latte. welcome to finals week
he has a knack for choosing the worst time to masturbate
God my Facebook chat is a graveyard of old blowjobz
There were slices of bread pasted to the wall with peanut butter this morning. I don't want to know
i think we should start 2012 by becoming clean and sober for awhile and buckle down
ppsyche im wasted where are you
Did we almost burn down the bar last night? I guess flaming shots were a bad idea.
No one should ever have to Neosporin their nipples. At least he apologized.
Yeah we were on bar number 7 on our bike trail and you decided to steal my bike and we found you 20 minutes later eating Cheetos in the shallow end of your parents pool
She rode my dick so hard I momentarily lost hearing. I guarantee I had the better St Patrick's.
You are not the cause of late onset lesbianism.
Just wore the promise ring dad gave me freshman year of high school as a fake wedding band while I bought a pregnancy test. I think it's safe to say that's not what he had in mind with that gift 14 years ago.
I turn into such a nice and loving person when I take Vicodin
Never let the horse trainer ride you, always ride the horse trainer. I have huge bruises on my thighs from his hip bones. That's how hard he rode me
I'm like a bad decision making factory. I need to sit down and have a chat with my decision making elves.
Randomize
