Someone's got a whale tail
A thong is hangin out?
No, a fatty following them
I actually just cleaned easy glide lube off my desk. My life has gone way down hill since I met you.
I just want to make him a cookie cake that says "you have no chance with me."
My life is like a Sweet Valley High book but with lots of alcohol.
left comments onEVRY SINGLE1of my posts n status updates.Im done dating freshmen
About to find out how well alcohol and lazer tag mix.
I was mid-pee and he walked in, claimed he was looking for his phone, and then asked if we could hook up since we were finally alone.
so yall hooked up?
I thanked her dad for "firing off a good one" when she was conceived. She said thats why he doesnt like me.
She kept pulling joints out of her bra and asking strangers for birthday hugs.
Ok so last thing I remember was hugging a cop while vomiting
I wish we could all take a bath together. Not in a lesbian way. But in a relaxing drunk in the tub sort of way.
Oh my god I found my bf's erotica
OH MY GOD HE WROTE THIS EROTICA.
OH MY GOD THIS IS GOOD EROTICA.
Everyone thinks I'm sleeping but I'm actually just melting.
drunkkkkk be here I heart you
Put on your bikini and meet me at the pool \nit’s cock o’clock!
Randomize
