I was so drunk i thought Kathy Griffin was funny
I'm either watching Fifth Element or Hotel Rwanda. There's black people and white people and high life tall boy 18 packs are $11.99 so I could be watching my own hand. I have no idea.
only clue right now is the orange grease all on my clothes. debit card denied so I know something weird went down..
I am going to wait until he wakes up to set his couch on fire and then pee it out. That way he knows it was not an accident.
He crawled over to me grabbed my boob asked me if I liked cats and then passed out. If that's really my RA, it's gonna be a long year
I just made the answer to all my security questions "fuck you" with various levels of ! marks. I may regret this in the morning.
I told her my hands were paint brushes and her vagina was my canvas
How can I politely yet provocatively ask you for a cock shot?
Can I join you for some emotional "Post: The Ohio State University's first lose in football after a 24 game winning streak" sex?
I'm just imagining Oprah like "you're popping a boner, and you're popping a boner...EVERYONE IS POPPING A BONER"
Does it get any better than dating a guy with a vasectomy? The answer is NO. No it does not
So I fucked a guy with his mouth wired shut last night never thought id cross that off my imaginary bucket list
Been using bowl smoking as a method of time for so long I don't know how long it actually takes to get to work
I swear I have some evil slut demon in me when I'm blacked out
Don't we all.
Same way I cope with everything else. With dildos, dunkin and depeche mode
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