so i completely puked my brains out. a lot. he held me up so i could brush my teeth. then we proceeded to hook up for the next four hours.
he's a keeper
I'm totally counting that party when he kept putting his hands down my pants as a date.
It's a pity Stephen Hawking can't do sarcasm.
Well, I'm a guy so I don't have one, but if its anything like the inside of my nose, yes, vodka would burn.
dude, she masturbates with a ken doll.
You puked in the drive thru of Taco Bell. You puked as it was being handed to me. You managed to yell out "FIRE SAUCE" in between hurls.
you probably have like 11 voicemails from us, one is us singing my heart will go on while were fucking
My roomate asked me why she found condoms in the pringles container. I don't know what to tell her
I just had a flash of me drinking straight vodka out of a condom...
He may only be 25% black, but after that sexual experience I am 100% never going back.
Guys always stop talking to me right around the point that if they bought me food a couple times I would probably have sex with them.
I need to wear something that says I would have sex with you but I'm not going to
And then before we had sex he was quoting space jam to me
He's giving me the absolute bare minimum amount of attention. Like whatever motherfucker, I've had like six super likes on tinder today
I am so dumb. I made a mistake and let him get away.
Don't worry, there are other penises in the sea.
Thanks, mom.
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