:O -> O: ... that's emoticon for "he threw up in my mouth while we were making out"
i just put a booger in my mom's hair and i just needed to tell someone.
I think I just sold my virginity for plane tickets
This is random, but did i give u a handjob in the middle of the night or was that a dream?
things I have learned from cosmo today- 40% of guys are uncircumsized, you can have a beer facial, and i really need to get tested for std's
not good my parents heard a big thud and found me passed out in the bathrrom abt an hr ago. hit my head arm and side. dont remember. real talk.
I peed glitter this morning and had a beard drawn on my face with eyeliner. Last time I do shots with gay Dan.
I thought the cops would know I was on shrooms because I was 10ft tall.
Don't judge me like that. At least the house is getting cleaned. If I have to drink and listen to Disney music on repeat for that to happen, so be it.
This is the second time this month a hookup cried when I left...bro get your shit together bar does NOT equal wife 😬
There's a dryer on fire at the laundromat, and everyone's just standing around taking pictures. Except me. I'm texting.
I think I just found my soul mate...he's wearing a zebra striped onesie and is into Michael Jackson...I'll explain in the morning.
This is either going to be a hilarious catfish or the fuck trophy of the century.
You threw him in the dryer?
He went in of his own accord. Mumbled something about experiencing the blossoming of popcorn.
ready for a night of bad decisions, horrible moral standards, and an unhealthy amount of illegal substances.
Randomize
