i'm pretty confident that i watched a woman making love to a german shepherd.
I look better un-naked...
so just incase you wake up on the couch wondering how you got there--you came home at 7am, put ice in a cup--then you proceeded to put the cup in the microwave and melt it because you "wanted water". you then, fell down the stairs while saying "you don't know me" then crawled to the couch.
So I had a Liz Lemon moment today....went to Chipotle to get my "cheer me up" burrito bowl for the 4th time this week and the chipotle guy sighed and said always the same huh?
im contemplating emailing my dad and telling him how worthless i am and how sorry i am that he pays for my life...aka my bar tabs.
God gave me these boobs for a reason other than for people to throw things down them.
i only understood the part that said mucho orgasmos
Every single time I start thinking that we shouldn't have done that to him, I think of his ballsack in our passed out faces. No sympathy.
We followed the campus tour around in a golf cart drinking PBR and blasting "Sexual Healing."
My getting drunk and marrying a stranger in Vegas final court annulment papers just came in the mail... I might frame that shit
Okay. This morning the comforter was wet, you were underwearless and using a tiny blanket. What'd you do??
I also point out to everyone that she looks like DJ's gf on Roseanne.
Your feet probs hurt bc the cab driver kicked us out a mile from home after you wouldn't stop screaming "prohibition can suck my dick"
Adulthood is weird i just cleared a check larger than my gross income from 2011 but i also just did coke during my lunch break
Fucker was flying a Bruins flag. He can pick up the dog's poop himself.
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