You supply the liquor and I'll "accidently" forget my bathing suit.
Deal!
you just kept yelling "siddle that plaza" til the cab driver said it back...
At some point last night was I riding a garbage can.. Things are starting to come back to me
I would have thought, as two of my best friends, you girls could have cought me as I fell out of the shower. There are so many bruises.
Just took an adderall with a shot of tequila while doing my makeup in the parking lot at work before I go in. I'm also late. They're so lucky to have me.
Next time she asks for a ride to her "cousins" house and it turns out to be a booty call we're charging her for each mile.
We are 100% horrible people, and im extremely happy we are friends
Neighbour is sobbing. Difficult to masturbate.
This is the beginning of the end. Testicle Tuesdays and free ball Friday are going to scar people for life
Dude that picute of your balls will haunt my nightmares
Ya apperently its not "appropriate" to fuck in the school auditorium
My "lord keep me from stabbing a bitch" prayer has gotten a lot of miles today
dude where did you go last night?
when the tequila says to run, you start running.
i was so proud for not passing out at the same time as usual. i screamed that i had a "new personal best!" then some jackass explained daylight savings.
Its the damn oven. I think it wants to eat me.
I'm laying backwards. On the stairs. Eating carrots. And drinking from a captain Morgan bottle.
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