I think the recipie for awesome sauce is butter and semen
Just farted in public and tried to sniff it all up before anyone noticed...do you think that actually works?
theres no point in washing my sheets anymore. its always going to be a fine layer of booze and semen.
We just spray painted his balls while he is passed out....I cant wait to see him try to figure this out in the morning.
Talk me down man. Writing a paper drunk and about to buy Celine Dion's greatest hits.
just cuz theres a goalie doesnt mean i cant commandeer the goal and become a way better goalie
nothing says "functioning mature adult" like sneaking beer out of your mom's fridge in a lunchbox
What? My family got wasted on patron and I threw up on my pants and said it was gravy. Hot mess.
He either works for the Irish Mob or I'm being Catfished
He asked me how france is treating me
Tell him you got so much dick you may never come back to the US. That ought to keep him away
My plan for the weekend: 1) Get shit faced in Vegas. 2) Not die
I don't think stranger penis made your tonsils bleed
Note to self:A blacklight toga party at a frat house is a bad idea. Some things cannot be unseen
Me and dad were just reflecting on that time he found a gas mask bong in the backyard.
God yes pancakes and booze sounds like the best night ever.
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