its good for cellulite if you don't wear underwear. its true
Your date looks like the Cloverfield monster. good luck.
I accidentally threw away from slim jim and some lady saw me dig it out of the garbage. It was unopened but still, I look so homeless.
Dude feel your hair right now it feels so weird like pasta
Theres a truck parked on the front yard and i just want to take this opportunity to tell you now that it is not my fault.
right before he passed out he said "take care of your tender spirit"
You know why nobody comes up with Sober October? Other than it's Oktoberfest? Because Sober October doesn't benefit anyone, just like your judgment isn't benefiting me. I'll talk to you in November. Unless you make up another alcoholless month.
I tried to convince the Lobo Card people to take my pic with my sunglasses on because I will probably always be this hungover.
I think you're too young for vagina rejuvenation but I guess you have never been one to listen. Sounds good! You bring the Percocet ill bring the vodka!
you never know what sharing a kayak could lead to
It's true
you kept saying how you wanted to mainline bacardi right into your bloodstream. medical school is doing wonderful things to your brain
See this is where I mess up.. I get distracted by the option of consistent sex and free beer
woke up between a girl's legs. make your own conclusion.
Well hell, he's gotta sleep in the bed he's made. Multiple times. For multiple girls I'm sure.
how do you say “i know we haven’t hung out in a month, but i gave myself an amazing orgasm to your picture the other day” without coming on too strong
Randomize
