you need to know that there is a kid here wearing an i mosh for Jesus shirt
I feel like someone was just looking at my memory and took out an eraser and was like "nope he doesnt need that"
Just found my DARE notebook from 6th grade. Extacy was starred and highlighted.
At least I've made one childhood dream come true
I may have just googled Muppet Treasure Island drinking game
He said he wanted to have kids with me so they could grow up to be professional linebackers. Not. A. Complient.
I just watched a girl in the library pull a vodka bottle out of her bag. I think I'm going to give her my number.
Why doesn't the washer have a puke setting?
I show up hung over with mcdonalds. Why wouldn't he have sex with me? It's a fucking leap year...
I hate that you live in a gated community. I feel your guard judges me every time I go to your house at 3 am an leave at 5am
I know he is still a student. I am not asking if his being an underwear model makes it more ethical, just less prosocutable.
My neck is PURPLE. This is NOT a good day to be indoctrinated by the cardinal...
I just moonwalked my socks off. THAT LAZY. THAT HIGH.
I found a used condom in my purse this morning. It was in there with a bunch of smushed french fries.
I told him I want him to read me my Miranda rights while he's fucking me. Act exactly like he does while he's on duty except with his dick out.
holy shit! you were walking down a hill and just happened to be passing a trash can like 4 ft away and projectile vomited over a fence into the trash can. kept walking and drank a beer.
Randomize
