Have you ever seen a 300 pound pregnant lady's boob fall out of her shirt cuz she's not wearing a bra? I have.
I wonder if she has a lisp when she orgasms...
she used her cellphone as a light to find my clit under the sheets. worst.lesbian.ever.
for the record, graham crackers won't get the taste of cock out of your mouth. also we're out of graham crackers
You dont realize corn stalks will cut until you run from the cops through a corn field.
She said she was jealous that i could wear headbands, then growled at the ground in shame..
I deleted his number so I had to go into my old voicemails which are saved through my gmail and search his name... Never underestimate the resourcefulness of a drunk girl on a mission for dick
remember how i yelled at you for inviting that coke dealer to the party?! i found the $100 bill they were snorting with in the couch.
..new slutty dresses or booze? i won't even waste time with the i told you so.
Is this what it's like to be an adult? You plan out play dates for your vagina?
oh my god you are days, if not hours away from a dick pic. This is the day the lord has made rejoice and be glad in it
I feel like your personal Bdsm barbie...
What happened last night dude?
YOU SHIT ON MY FUCKING COFFE TABLE THATS WHAT FUCKING HAPPENED!!!
I just masturbated at work... Don't know why but I thought you should know
Jesus fucking Mary Christ if I have to clean shit out of my fucking bathtub one more fucking time I'm gonna murder a fucking kitten
You kept sayin "its alright, I'm pre-med" to everything we said. EVERYTHING.
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