i miss you and i wish you were peeing between my legs right now. in a platonic way
you could play connect the dots with the people ive fucked in this room
Roller skating + drunkeness + peeing = mess
the girl next to me just texted someone in her phone named Optimus Prime
...i wonder what he did to earn that nickname
I don't really want to have sex with him, I'd just want him in a threesome. Does that make sense?
If I win the contest of drinking the most water I get a chicken nugget.
Both of our knuckles were split open this morning when I came out of the blackout, the column on the porch has two new cracks in it, were like the redneck Super Smash Bros.
Drunk dialed the ex last nigh; turns out I miss dialed. The stranger who answered played along and apologized for sleeping with my cousin. She sent me a txt this morning to let me know.
Kindest stranger ever. Marry that girl.
State dependent memory. I just needed to feel my teeth. It was like a fog was lifted.
Woke up this morning naked, wrapped in a bath mat with a wad of singles on the table. I'm calling it a win.
My mom just added me on Facebook... She has one like and it's Will Smith
He gave me the "find somebody who wants to date you for who you are" speech while I walked around the house asking people for pants.
Pretty sure my first birthday present will be a pic of an 18-year-old's cock. And I am OK with that
My diet has been 80% Fun Dip this week, soooo, no. Not good.
Trying to figure out why my back is hurting. And then I remember I got fucked up against a tree last night
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