She's never allowed to turn 21 again
I've gotta stop getting kicked out of bars for fighting with people over the accuracy of the Harry Potter movie.
why is my underwear the only thing i was wearing that smells like vodka?
The owner of this phone is no longer accepting texts from liars, assholes or married men. You figure out which one applies.
she came back from her house with A paper cut , a 2liter of sprite with Bacardi , and half a mustache . we're inviting her more ofte
i came so hard i kicked through my windshield
How would your parents feel if we installed a sex swing?
Our Tuesday night drunk Irish step dancing was on point tonight.
All I remember is receiving a lap dance to slow motion.
I got stabbed with a couple of chip crumbs during sex Saturday. Further proof I need to stop eating snacks in bed
We are all done wearing pants today
Riddle me this: How does one check in at the Marriott, but wake up at the W?
Yeah just had sex and grub hub came right after he did. I’d say it’s a win.
Made it to the top o the stairs ALIVE YES FUCJ YOU GRAVITY
i realized my signature handshake has now become a hookup. i love what college has done to me.
Randomize
