Don't bone anyone, just think of ur vibrator lol
HHaaaaaaaaa mmmmn vibrator
I may have discovered that porn hub is on my top visited sites during class this morning.
I am spending my work day planning my weekend drinking schedule
Its really not funny anymore. I need to stop shaving while i'm drunk
You bring the bicep workout. I'll bring the unscented gentle products. We'll both bring our penises.
my dad just said 'either you're lying about your plans tonight or you kids are really lame nowadays'. maybe we should nix the singles saturday slumber party and go to a bar.
You texted the wrong number but that's probably the best call you'll ever make.
"Shots" of grape juice. I fucking hate Utah soooo fucking much.
She said "oh yeah" like Hulk Hogan with the muscle flex and everything. Totally digging this chick
also i think i should join the bone marrow registration when im sober
My garbage can has nothing in it besides condoms and candy wrappers. That's good garbage.
Trying to figure out the logistics of putting my laptop speakers on this plate with the last slice of pizza. Too drunk to move the plate. Not an option.
I'm eating hummus off of my stomach right now.
with hottub sex, handcuffs, Pocahontas themed lap dances, and eating pumpkin pie off each other, I'm gonna say thanksgiving will be a success ;)
That tingly feeling you're experiencing in your lady parts is my mustache. All the ladies of America are waking up feeling the same thing. You're welcome.
The struggle bus crashed, rolled down a mountain, and went on fire, and I was on it ugh.
Randomize
