She refused to give me a hand job while we were watching a war movie saying she didn't wanna disrespect the soldiers
So hungover. Sitting in class about to puke during this ladys flute performance. Not sure why were having a flute concert in biology
its official. the only way for my hair to look good is to blow somebody
$150 bar tab covered by these tits. That's now the going rate. Keeping my bra on during sex unless i see the Benjamins.
Lets get real here, ive seen your moms breasts multiple times
Dude, it could be so much worse. That Dale kid lost a toe I think.
When exactly does a bender just become a lifestyle?
You stole a fry from a complete stranger. He wasn't happy. Then you said fuck it and stole the whole poutine and ran down the street while he stared in shock.
I now have a full length bright red cape in my possession. Best sex trophy ever.
The inside of my nose has felt like the guy's face falling off from raiders of the lost ark all week
Every minute you wait for the sex that's not gonna happen, we're missing a tone deaf, drunk, tard-asaurus rex half-sing a 90's song to a bunch of other dinotards at karaoke.
we need to invent and abuse teleportation
Just went to court for a citation. Guess who my DA was? That girl I ATM'd last weekend. No ticket for me!
We were gonna go out drinking tonight but she found out she's pregnant so are you free
It's routine now. He comes home from work and i ride him like a cowgirl with only a few sips of wine. I love being his neighbor.
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