we went through the mcdonalds drive through and you asked for a free sample of their fries to see how you liked them.
I think I pulled my groin stumbling back from the bar. That or the hippo I woke up next to.
We'll wreck the fuck out of my furniture. How often does one really get the chance to fuck through a table with no negative consequences?
I never should have let my cousin and his pregnant girlfriend move in with me. I'm never having sex again. They scare off men more than 'my dream wedding' pin board.
You gotta pick a side. My suggestion: side with tits.
I saw Nicolas Cage's face in the moon. Those were good shrooms.
I shall welcome him into my body with an open liver and completely lay down all chance of resistance. Sweet Zeus, please take me to Mt. Olympus and share all that is divine. I promise, the secrets will be safe with me
I'm curious as to what my outfit choices drunk me made for this weekend.
He kept telling me that it stood for Sex Utility Vehicle
The ride home was alright, we hooked up in the street next to his car after he smashed into the guard rail
I've had sex with three people who have this birthday.
woke up to my little sister's best-friend's boyfriend in my bed, but how's your saturday going?
This is a friendly reminder to try not to shit on the toilet seat. If our 4 year old can manage it, I think you can too.
Nothing like ripping open the box with your keys on a sat R train and throwing back the morning after pill with some coconut water on my way to work at a fitness studio for free
What's the point of having a gay best friend if he doesn't play with your titties?
Randomize
