Alli causes anal leakage. You can find someone to like you if you are fat but no one will like you if you poop yourself.
I reached in my backpack to pull out my laptop. I found my bottle of Jack and 2 bottles of Coke. It's going to be a good class.
Thinking about fake proposing to my gf just so the middle aged women next to us will buy us drinks
I literally just wielded a katana to save a child's life. What did you do today?
The girls we hooked up with were hammered, pushing each other in a shopping cart into the sushi place and through the restaurant... One's a volunteer EMT. God help her patients.
Also: how drunk is your brother? He just left me a message as batman.
I have no idea. There are 6 asians singing hey soul sister to me right now.
That chick who made out with a door is here. Want her number??
What I'm trying to say is, that time you chained me to my dresser and made me beg for it was incredibly romantic.
I am 100% planning on being drunk on Wednesday. This is America. Work or no work.
Dylan just paid 30 bucks to have himself wrapped in the clear plastic they wrap luggage in at the airport. Bring scissors.
You are the voice of reason. And I'm bringing wine. Like seriously this is his last chance. Don't touch me once, shame on you.. Don't touch me twice, shame on me
Find a vagina and bring it to me. Like feeding a tiger.
Sometimes I just want to kiss you without you pulling ur cock out and waving it at me
Coworker just walked in thirty minutes late reeking like weed and clutching a handful of scratch-off tickets. Also, there’s still a stripper pole in my office. Happy Wednesday!
Randomize
