maybe we dont have boyfriends because we dont have tans
You going out tonight?
No I am at the hospital. Throwing up blood is apparently frowned upon.
just got invited to smoke a bowl by a guy who has a prostetic leg and has been on the jerry springer show multiple times. I love my life right now
If I had KNOWN you and mom were coming to visit, I wouldn't have passed out in the frat. This is why I hate surprises.
When I start puking tomorrow, just let me be. it'll start around 8:35. just let me heave. i love this part of my morning.
By the way, we're gonna have to get a new rug for the livingroom i kinda started ours on fire...
I had to break up with him he didn't understand my priorities. I'm sorry but Saturday nights are for pot and Doctor Who. I'm not going to change who I am.
A conundrum I think only you would understand: how to classily post "I need a ride to the liquor store" on one's Facebook wall?
It was like something out of a fucked up fairy tale. He just crowdsurfed over to her while riding a keg, said "come sail with me", and then the crowd carried them off into the night. What.
Worst drunk idea ever... Me "Cops are looking for two guys, one in a grey shirt one in a blue shirt" jelly "lets take out shirts off they'll never find us" of course I thought it was brilliant
It was easier that asking where the vagina platter is.
I'm proud of you for choosing to be an organ donor on your fake!!
Idk if I deserve a medal or a one way ticket to hell
Thank you for dog sitting, there is $60 on my desk to be spent on DRUGS AND/OR GAS ONLY not that food stuff people crave.
I party with great urgency now.
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