Haven't eaten in 11 hrs. I am gonna have so much material to talk about with anorexic girls now
Seriously, I'm delusional. Idk how these models even walk on the runway
I hraet yuo
did you say you heart me or hate me?
who is this?
It's sad that he has such a beautiful cock and doesn't know what to do with it.
Maybe we should try and tone it down a notch. The neighbors changed the name of their wifi network to "i can hear you having sex".
Pretty sure a homeless guy just told me to 'lick his balls clean' because I looked at him.
My mouth holds just enough water for my bong
Drinking gin at a party, riding a giant inflatable walrus all around the living room.
My mom just invited me to come with them on their honeymoon to Mexico this summer. And I got a Bump-It in my stocking.
Pass the awkward sauce please.
I'm drowning in it here
Apparently we were just playing "bang a bridesmaid". I'm not sure if I won or lost...
I was wondering how I got the burn marks on my boobs and then I remembered....
The baked potato bra?
You can achieve whatever you wish in your imagination with some help from drugs
We don't have the same problems as normal people do we?
The only thing about him that I appreciated was that he destroyed the bathroom at your birthday and missed singing to you. And we all knew.
I woke up on the floor with 2 cartons of cigarettes, a box of chocolate bars, and a business card for a man named Larry. Don't remember him, but if the Rols on his card is his, I might throw him a mouth party...
I lost my wallet so I paid for my cab ride home with a sausage sandwich I found in my purse. Must have thought it was my wallet.
Randomize
