walkin around the woods blazed, drawing pictures of trees and plants, i get a grade for this
still drunk. talking shit to the doc drawing my blood. this has no upside
Just saw a motorized bathtub. I think this college thing is gonna work out.
Couldn't get it up. She asked me what she was doing wrong. Didn't have the heart to tell her. I appreciated her willingness to adapt, but she's pretty much gonna look that bad her whole life.
It came up in court that I told the arresting officer my name was Thomas Jefferson, and I was born in 1776. I almost kept a straight face. Almost.
why would you automatically assume i'm high...
you just told me you're eating the powder of a lemonade mix.
Beautiful fucking linguistics Shakespeare, but youre still not doing that to my face
He ran into the room yelling "attack! Attack!", jumped on top of me on the air mattress, popped the air mattress, and then we had victory sex, because he was proud of popping it.
My addiction to golf is getting out of hand....I just caught myself swinging my dick like a putter while peeing.
My dog is now used to me drunk singing and sleeps through it. I don't know how I feel about this
Sorry, fell into some ass. Call you tomorrow.
"Where are you? Where are my keys? What is this guys name again? Why am I wearing two pairs of your pants?"
So, if you eat too many protein bars, you will shit your pants. This I learnt today..... at work.
I really hope this is just a phase, because I am not capable of carrying both of our drunken whore asses through life. Too much dead weight....
Yea and there’s destruction when we’re together, mostly of our livers but W/e
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