cab driver says "I saw your friend who opens her legs. she went home with two guys." pretty sure he was talking about you
found some acid from a couple months ago while looking through christmas lights. Looks like santa came early this year.
If you're going to watch porn, can you atleast be considerate and watch it on my old laptop and not the new one?
I'm guessing "whatever I can get" wasn't the reply the nurse wanted when asking what med I need. Oh, and asked for a cartoon band-aid.
Just come here and visit. Enjoy the deliciousness of me being legal. Just don't think, and come here right meow. meow meow meow.
So I think before Superbowl weekend begins we should all take a look back on last year and learn from our pitfalls... AKA no touchdown shots and kitchen crying.
I told her that I was going up to my room to lay in front of a fan without pants on, watching Avengers and she still wanted to get with me. I have to marry her.
Sending a dick pic with a 2010 time stamp on it is violation of proper sexting etiquette
ugh... fuck pirate breakfast. my head is like thirsty.
When you put my balls in your mouth i just want to buy you expensive gifts...you know what i mean?
at any given day I am at least 60% invested in my work. today I am staggered around 3.5%
That moment when your mom is so drunk she makes you get out of bed to lay in her bed because she thinks it feels like sleeping on a marshmallow peep....
I don't like pregnant me. I eat very large burritos, I don't like having sex and I can't even finish a Blue Moon.
Full body rubs, head scratches, foot rubs, massages, a penis that is able to get hard whenever you want it. I mean ive got a lot to offer
I know I joke about running from my problems a lot but I'm 3 miles off-campus and need a ride
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