Who were the five players on the alien team from space jam?
is it wrong that i plan on stealing a few pipecleaners from my preschool classroom to clean my bowl?
I feel bad for the person that has to clean the dishes that I peed on last night.
margarita wednesday is really going to dip into new year's eve thursday
The bouncer asked you what your sign was and u replied "syracuse"
They just came out of my bathroom and asked if I could spare them a condom. See. Its a good thing I have some.
She told me that when she orgasms she just lays there like that baby from teenmom. Who the fuck says that
I totally cried the whole time and then screamed out my new therapists name....
Dont act like I'm the only one that gets on a plane and picks out the one im gonna have fuck if we have time before the crash
The moral of the story is do not hire me because everything will end up smelling like pickles and I will not sufficiently clean it up.
Going to the bathroom drunk while wearing overalls is such a struggle
he just fluffed my hair and told me I had to dance with him because we were both gingers.
Fly, little bird! Repopulate the ginger race!
HOW DO YOU FORGET TO FINISH WINE
Ive realized that in order for me to understand math, my professor has to be hot.
Now all my porn is stored in my parents’ basement. It’s like a part of my soul is boxed up
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