oh my god I didn't know your sister was this good at french kissing
I just found 'pokemon orgy' in my search history
I think the neighbors upstairs are trying for more kids. I want to run up there and yell "mazal tov!"
Some girl just asked us for directions back to campus. we told her to take the first four lefts. We live on a block. she believed us
some girl just asked me how to spell unconscious. I really want to know what she was texting.
She asked me why there was $2 in the lunchmeat drawer of the fridge and BBQ sauce all over the kitchen... I'm not sure but I know it has something to do with you
the only time i'm productive on weed is when i drink.
Hes sobering up now. He was just really bad for like 45 minutes. He cried while he was telling me how he pictured us eating hotdogs on the beach together..
It's christmas eve and my mom blacked out before me. If she beat me at that, what have I been learning at college?
As if right now I am a humanitarian. Full story to come in the morning. It involves sex.
Ugh, I should just give up, and fuck him in a parking lot, and shave my head and walk naked through the streets of King's Landing.
I just sent him a message bearing my soul about how much he means to me as a friend and his first response is "are you drunk?"
Shit like this is why I'm a bitch to everyone.
What did you do with the dog when you went into the club?
coat checked
at the time fanning him with a dish tray seemed like a good idea but when we found it buried in the dirt the next morning i questioned our judgement. needless to say he still threw up even with the extra breeze.
before i went to bed i wrote myself a note that says 'i feel all swirly'
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