walking on campus just saw the exact moment some kids life got ruined
he's on the phone and just starts going "FUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUCCCCCCCCKKKKK", then follows it with "Are you sure your pregnant?"... made my day
It's chlamydia! Thank God!
I really should sober up and deal with this hangover
It seems to be one of those life decisions I'm perfectly content never making though
I'm chugging Gatorade because i drank something called a trashcan and someone named Gianna diamond has my credit card number, and I think I might have ruined my life.
I was just reelected president of justgotlaidsylvania
Things bear mace does not do: repel bears. Things bear mace does do: piss off bears, give bystanders asthma attacks. Lesson learned
So his mom walked in the kitchen while I was sucking him off and just casually suggested that "I'd need a glass of water after that"
If we don't rescue him from the fat chick soon, she is going to eat him alive and suck the marrow from his bones.
Just read 119 best sex positions. I wanna try 107 of them. Can I put you down for 50?
I just googled: how soon can I pee on a stick. What is my life coming to.
Your favorite boobs are sending you seasons greetings
i warned you not to do dabs 20 minutes before graduation. You never listen
What's a nice way of saying 'I wish I hadn't fucked you.'
I've never seen anyone as high as you were.. you collapsed onto the kitchen floor hugging a tub of ice cream. You named it phil.
I'll tell you all about it in person but let's just say the big dick fairy must really like me right now
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