I told him I had my daily dose of vitamin c so i wouldn't blow him
herpes texted me again. he says he wants my vagina.
ok we should really consider changing this guys nickname...
Note to self: never do anything I don't want to explain to a paramedic
I don't not like him. It's just wierd talking to him because we both know I fucked his wife.
No idea. I woke up in the middle of the night to you drooling and gnawing on my arm. Then you rolled over, punched the air 4 times, then proceeded to talk about your hair in your sleep.
It's called "lets see how many European capitals we can do the walk of shame through in one year"
We wore fake mustaches and shirts that said team mustache ride to a party we weren't even invited to
I don't even care that his girlfriend will be there. Us hooking up is a tradition and she will NOT ruin it.
And I'd make him talk dirty to me. In Forrest Gump's voice.
There should be an app that tazers me in my pocket when I'm spending too much money at the bar. Take a hint, Android Network. You slut.
Nhl reached an agreement. I plan on getting me some celebratory sex from a hockey player.
This morning was so rough I can't even. I was cutting up vegetables for my omelet on the floor. THE FLOOR. I sat on the floor because I felt like I was gonna vom.
I only had ten dollars. So leave it to Katie to somehow makeout with the bartender, on his shift mind you, and get free drinks.
Made my roommate send me tit pics so I could send them to someone because I didn't want to move.
Like you haven't hit rock bottom until you have had to throw your own turd out a window
Randomize
