I thought I drunk dialed Adam last night and left him a voicemail. I just checked my phone. I realize I left a drunk voicemail with my son's teacher.
So how was he last night?
Five-minute foot-long.
Words i added to my t9 today: gnomes, facebook, and chlamydia.
You were telling me about how you were gonna marry him, have his children and name them all woodchip.
CONFIRMATION: i wiki searched it and Justin Bieber is 15 not 13. so i dont feel like as much of a pedofile now....
Woke up. Made a pizza. Burnt it. Going back to bed cuz today sucks
official worst smell ever. a used condom that has gone through the dryer.
We just watched planet earth in marine bio. And our prof told us that was all we were doing on 420
She keeps referring to it as an "us" Either she is seriously mistaken on what fuck buddies are or she learned another meaning of the word "us"
but you must be fair and judge his penis by normal penis standards and not let your vision be clouded by the rare gem of a penis you have recently encountered
Between the walk of shame, bar fight, karaoke, injuries, number of bar check-ins, and variety/quantity of alcohols and Advil consumed, I'd say HookerFest 2012 was a raging success.
He had a joint rolled for us when he picked me up. It's how ASU does romance
he stopped talking to me, quit his job, moved out of the province and then told me it was "no big" when I called him apologizing...
besides the unzipped fly, the black eye and the toilet paper on your shoe you looked really sexy today baby!
I just caught your son trying to perform fellatio on himself. What do I do?
Randomize
