i kept saying "bloody hell" in a ron weasley accent until i forcibly told myself to shut up
She was raised with a wonderful home life. I can't do anything with that.
we have 69 mutual friends...i have to add her
We found her naked passed out on the bathroom floor. She didn't even make it to the shower. She was clutching the bathroom rug.
Just told my mom sparks is a health drink. Officially getting hammered on the way to the beach.
Well I knew we were drunk when I told you it was a good idea to shit in the ocean
Also, that dude projectile vomiting all over the living room was the perfect distraction for me to swipe the booze and run.
it's a drink the shower water kind of morning ...
Did you shave a certain someone in his sleep last night?
That man gives me hope. I can't help it. And by "hope" I mean "wood."
When God was sprinkling self control to everybody, he ran out and was like ehhhh she'll make it!
No it was fine, I've just never seen that many people eat dog food
Your vagina needs to teach my vagina its ways.
I made out with a 40 year old and told her we were dating then got kicked out of a gay bar. This is the day I stop drinking.
You told your boyfriend he needed to fuck you in the tree because it would make you guys one with nature.
Did he?
Randomize
