WTF I just almost got ran over by a fucking cop!!!!!!
LOL you shoulda thrown yourself in front for money. Fucking cops!
Told a girl i wanted to feel her bellybutton from the inside... I need to learn how to flirt
i always forget that thursday isnt the weekend in the real world
Because its an amazing idea and you're the only one I can think of that will allow a pirate threesome
Uhh, there's a legit bruise on my boob.. Again how does he manage this
It's the eternal vodka... it never seems to go away
A Bum and I jusst hugged. its not even 8 pm.
Smoked a Vape in the library status: completed
I just told the toilet I loved it. Bad sign.
You thought that you were playing full contact and started screaming "I will fucking end you! I will end you!" and tried tackling everyone in the room.
The whole time we were hanging out my vagina was yelling at me like its a real live penis that wants to have sex with us what are you doing
My girlfriend is pregnant with her exs baby. 2014 just became the worst year
I feel like there should be a 'roommate information section' of the paperwork when there's a chance you'll be given pain killers.
I woke up with my face covered in mustard. Your mom said I ate hotdogs like a pornstar
bring the pregnancy test and the margarita mix, see you in 15
Randomize
