...you put a chicken patty in my toaster last night..
It was so delicious I was introducing it to people. Guy from my psych class was like "This is my girlfriend, Erica," and I was like, "This is my milkshake, Oreo."
He washed my hair whilst I gave him head in the shower. Bored or gay?
you cant keep talent like that locked up in a relationship
Just saw my bank statement. It literally goes liquor store pizza place liquor store pizza place bar bar bar liquor store pizza place 711 for snacks withdrawl for drugs rinse and repeat
I didn't think about how painful the pumpkin seeds coming up the next morning would be. Oh well, I'm good at making pumpkin seeds and that's all that matters.
I'm making him come over again tonight. I don't know how long this thing will last so I want to spend as much time with his dick as possible.
Did u smell a guys dreadlocks in the McDonald's drive thru line last night or did I dream that?
Just got to her place. Her parents are here and are high as a kite.
Her father just game me a high 5 as they left the room. Her mom leaned in and said "this is a rebound thing"
i puked in the 2nd best shower and the couple fucking in the 1st didnt even pause so you might wanna hold off on that for a while
I never thought I would be saying these words but...when did David Spade get hot?
I distinctly remember telling him "I'll suck your dick while you eat pizza"
There's tequila in my general area. Please pray for me.
It is such a beautiful day to not be arrested
Whats spookier? Halloween or waking up to a drunk text from your ex telling you how awesome you are at 2am
Randomize
