we black-lighted her bedspread and it looked like a jackson pollock painting.
its like an ocean threw up right in your lap
Dude, totally just found out that I've been washing my hair with semen for the past 3 weeks.
Nothing says "I'm a sorority girl" like puking at 830 in the am, wearing my anti-hazing pin, and getting ready for a tea party.
I just remembered our "im drunk enough to look at your vagina" conversation. Is that offer still valid? I really think I need a second opinion
Is there a technical name for reverse cowgirl? I'm trying to maintain a little dignity with my mother here
i didnt think "maybe you should take over" was a good thing to say when i couldnt get it up
I'm just glad you're the only person I can have a "remember when we thought I was pregnant" conversation with.
The chlamydia really affected his face.
I'm still working on figuring out my birthday blowjob schedule. I'd love to just have all three of them get in there but I get the feeling they wouldn't like that.
wait did i hook up with someone in mcdonalds last night?
I AHVE A WINE BUCKETTTTTTT
I just googled, "what type of cured meat does my face taste like", and one of the top results was, "The Definitive Guide to Bacon." I couldn't make this up if I tried.
Best news I’ve heard all day. Cookies and dick. What more could a girl ask for?
cinco de mayo stole my toenail
cinco de mayo stole my virginity.
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