Lol speaking of weird...he just sent me a naked pic of himself that said "meow" at the bottom.
i wish there were pregnant emoticons
There needs to be a newsfeed for phones... A list of all my drunken calls, texts, BBMs, new contacts, pictures sent AND received, all in chronological order.
I want to see you in more than a weed delivering capacity
I've realized that my life is in no way structured to be compatible with monogamy. I'm not adjusting to this well.
We're at that point in our relationship where sweatpants sex has become acceptable...
all i wanted was to be slutty. now i'm meeting him for drinks tomorrow because he woke up before i had a chance to sneak out and was too polite to say no
I woke up spooning my guard tube. Tell me I'm not the most dedicated lifeguard ever
Everything's fine I'm just stoned and my pillows are too soft.
Yeah just got a blowjob at busch stadium during the cardinals game childhood dream realized
Yehhhaaww I'm way ahead of you. I'm gunna get her a card that says " I'm sorry your now ex boyfriend decided to upgrade"
If your nipples ruin my wedding photos I will kill you.
I hope to God it's not the new neighbors having sex, because what I'm hearing sounds like a mildly defective vuvuzela or a cow giving birth.
He just texted me asking for his shirt back and I said I didn't have it and then I ran into him 5 minutes later while wearing the said shirt
I just drunk texted the Italian guy and now I’m flooded with Shane. Uh, shame, not Shane. He sounds nice, though.
Randomize
