batman just walked across the sidewalk
lay off the drugs
no for real he was wearing a cape
I just put a picture of what I imagine Rob's dick looks like on it on my vision board. thank you Oprah!
low key just jizzed in a chinese food container
I have no idea how to attract men with my personality anymore. He can't see my tits via facebook chat
four guys that i have slept with have come into my job today. FOUR. i feel like it's like bring your sex partners to work day.
Congratulations!! You are the WINNER of a brand new BLOWJOB!! You can collect your prize between the hours of 12pm and 1pm today, anywhere you'd like!!! :)
Yes. I am getting trashed on an open tab while judging a karoke competition
Impressive. I approve.
She almost killed me. The shot she handed me had tacks in it. Wtf?!
I found a pair a guys underwear in my purse that has a British flag on it and says and I quote "British beef" what.the.fuck.
My masturbation fantasy just had a wedding theme. I need new hobbies.
after he went down on me he said he wanted an air freshener for his car scented like my vag. i cant even.
I left my ice cream out over night, it's melted, fuck this, I just poured Bailey's in it. Problems solved.
She just called at a dance party, and you stopped mid puke to join. Another successful night.
Okay, maybe filling water balloons with vodka was not our best idea.
Will you still call me Bond when I'm sober?
Randomize
