im pretty sure there are laws against slapping prostitutes
i'm pretty sure there are laws against prostitutes.
why do all the strippers look like they came from fraggle rock
did anyone else see me puking into my coat sleeve?
Found a guy passed out on the coffee table with a thong duct taped from ear to ear.
I'm doing this for my boobs. They miss him.
How many times can I tell him that I wasn't expecting sex before he finally figures out that I'm just too lazy to shave?
I will not fill you in on the details until we get back, so do not ask. I got peed on by the girl I was hooking up with last night.
I'm going to keep a tally of how many lives I ruin this summer. Starting today.
Already at 3 and it's not even noon.
I do have a life. It just consists of making scarves and chesse straws now
Well I'm going to San Francisco next weekend for pride. I'm sure I'll end up drunk and on a beach at some point.
There's a ton of international students in my suite and I'm just sitting in this chair with no pants on eating frosted flakes
At least he finally released me from his spooning oven of death...
Her boyfriend offered to buy me a vibrator. I'm not sure how to feel about that.
- I'm finally learning to be functional when I'm high. I feel like this is a milestone.
Dude, A DAMN CHEESEBURGER HIT ME IN THE FACE!!! WTF was i suppoused to do!?.
Randomize
