dude, you're never picky with who you hook up with, have a little dignity
nah man, chicks are like pokemon, gotta catch \'em all
I had a fork in my beer hand and just stabbed my tongue.
hey. who tried to drive me home last night?
not sure. we got lost. what do you mean "tried"?
i'm still in their car. parked on the beach. no one else is here. i have on different pants.
so i used to love airports for the escalators... now its the bars... then the escalators after the bars
The best part was that when I woke up, I poked her with my dick to wake her up, and said, "Hi, I'm Alex. Nice to meet you". Shoulda seen the look on her face. Priceless.
I feel like royalty, that girl from last night had a vajazzled vag. Bucket list complete.
It wouldn't have been a big thing. If anything, I woulda apologized to you and cleaned the remote
Well idk about you but my nose is all recovered for the weekend.
I still have his teeth marks on the base of my penis. You didnt miss much
just woke up under a car ? That's odd
Holy fucking shit
WAIT BUT IM WEARING A BACKPACK THAT MAGICALLY HAS 30 BEERS IN IT
Well I was going to go home but vodka happened.
my star wars tattoo got me laid last night. definitely a dark side sort of benefit im thinking
Whoever was doing lines off my iPad is a dick. Also bring Gatorade, for I hunger
For Who flesh?
"Nobody needs to know that I have a vibrating butt plug and nobody needs to know that I'm probably gonna start wearing it at work"
You faceplanted on the railroad tracks and when I tried to tell you to get up, you told me you were "taking a quick breather"
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