I have my period so I felt bad and blew him with cash cab in the background. I wanted to yell out the answers but my mouth was full.
The only thing I've had to eat today was the half eaten sausage biscuit I found on my chest when I woke up this morning.
Judging by what she did last night, I would say at least 4 of them have mono now.
Let me start this apology by saying you were the finest piece of ass I ever had.
One fish gets drugged and suddenly I'm labeled a bad pet owner. This is so unfair.
Frozen pudding on a popsicle stick. Bill Cosby would be so proud of drunk me.
The intern claims someone glued plastic eyeballs to his penis last night. He going to show everyone in the conference room at 3pm. There is a $5 cover charge.
Completely smashed, masturbating to the view of the ocean. Family vacations are more tolerable than I thought
Question: would Brian be pissed if I brought his 17 year old sister as my date to the wedding?
Just had the "whores are people too" talk with Mom. Bright side it's Christmas, and I may have been drunk, I don't think she caught on.
He says he invented a new sex move called The Redbird that we can only do when I'm on my period. Should I be concerned?
Me and some girl at the bar just high fived for not wearing bras
Me: I shouldn't go to the airport bar it's too expensive and I don't need it. Dark me: SHOTS AT 7 AM
An old Grimace plushie came to life and gave me a pretty knife. I'm never doing acid again.
I flashed my boobs, shit my pants, and kissed the wrong twin. I'm on a roll you don't want in on.
Randomize
