i was so drunk that there were 2 of her, and i didn't know which one to fuck
They made my facebook status "I got my period!!!." Every guy I've had sex with at college liked it.
Dude she has a fucking rock collection. Never will I ever talk to her again.
I'm gonna stay in bed all day and watch porn in an attempt to stay warm.
If there's ever a time when I've matured to the point that I don't want to look at camera-phone-titties, go ahead and bury me in a shallow grave by the railroad tracks.
just because she blew him doesn't mean she knows his name.
I woke up to him climbing naked through my bedroom window with a bottle of jd in his hand. Of course I had sex with him.
Ok lesson learned. Don't lick the spoon when making mushroom chocolates. The kitchen walls are melting.
We realized he wasn't with us anymore, so we turn around and he's 20 feet back, peeing on a squirrel.
but I'll probably watch some porn later so it's not a complete waste of a Saturday night.
The hypnotist is here. He has a black eye and smells like tequila.
Just so you know the unusual amount of skittles on your floor is entirely your own fault. You bought me 20 bags of them while I was high.
sweet sixteen by hillary duff just came on and i feel like i let lizzie mcguire down for being such a stoner
You should feel special! You're also the only person I've ever punched during sex
I'm glad I didn't see Grandma stumbling drunk and peeing herself...it would be like seeing my future.
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