this morning i realized i came home with more condoms then i left. burn.
Going to eat lunch. Bunch of people in church clothes, and we are hungover, wearing pajamas, and in real danger of puking on the floor. We're about to destroy the ambience of this joint.
Don't worry about it. I've taken so much Plan B, my uterus is purely for show now.
we fucked the fort apart but we'll rebuild it after we get some drinks.
You kept me hostage in your driveway until you got your point across that alaska has warm weather
I just want to know what horrible accidents of evolution allowed that tiny penis to exist
So it finally happened last night... I re-met someone that i've already had sex with. Had no idea who he was. Fantastic
I call BS on that! THAT WAS TOTALLY AN INTERCEPTION. JENNINGS HAD THAT.
PEOPLE ARE FLIPPING FURNITURE HERE. IN THE ROOM ABOVE ME. I HEARD SOMEONE WOOKIE CALL IN ANGER FROM SOMEWHERE IN THIS BUILDING.
I'd be lying if I said I wasn't scared, even a little.
It's like your nipple is comforting my nipple.
Ims textiofg thsi woht my noes bcuz my hansd aer stli handcuffde to teh bedfrme. Help me
That tampon felt like a stick in my vagina, I am never making a drunken tampon choice again. Friends don't let friends choose tampons drunk.
I'm topless, wearing a fur coat, stink of sex, and eating dim sum. 2015 is off to a great start.
Will you remind me I changed my hotspot phone password to fuckyouprivilegedwhitedude
Feel weird saying this on Facebook, but a dildo collecting demigod sounds like somebody I'd at least hang with for a minute.
I don't care. We're going to fuck. And I WONT apologize in the morning. You cheated on me, so you can cheat on her with me.
Randomize
