this homeless guy just told me to make a wish on his magic plastic spoon but said to be careful what i wish for...
he stopped mid-fuck to ask me how my day was....
do you think theyll let us bring mariachis to the strip club?
Sorry about that whole "setting your deck on fire" thing.
They're letting me teach a freshman-laden class now. This university needs better background checks.
Dude, this guy showed up with a 40 and stayed for two days. I want that lack of responsibility
I woke up next to him fully clothed but my thong was around his neck. Polling to decide if we had sex or not starts now.
Well it's 2pm. Time for another game of "Who, What, Where". The game where you try to guess who this girl is, what happened last night, and where'd your shit go. I'm going for 1/3 today.
That's better than I've done so far.
I'm sitting in front of a fan naked drinking Gatorade. Motherfucking hangover probs
I think that's the first time Navy dress blues and a Ninja Turtles onesie have been involved in the same makeout.
I've been here for three hours and I am already feeling sorry for whatever offspring i will indefinitely produce in this place.
I pray for you bro.
I just messaged a senior at Harvard and told him to 'tinder me softly'
I'm beginning to think the entirety of my appeal is due to the size of my ass.
I built a fence. For the bunnies we're going to adopt. I'll fill you in when you get home.
fucking him is like fucking old faithful. you could set your watch by his orgasms.
Randomize
