You and i never got to the, we dont care what we look like friend-stage. you know? like not brushing your teeth stage.
sorry im really high
Dude michael jackson died, guess he's not 'stayin aliveee' any longer.
Uh dude that wasn't a michael jackson song it was the BGs
blow job with a beer in the shower, I just created the ultimate day spa for dudes
i dont even know how to be here
Give me the approximate price and I'll give you the equivalence in blowjobs.
I also tried to drunkenly adopt a kitten last night. It didn't pan out.
Yes but that point is quickly negated bc u should never have to search more than one room to find your underwear.
We all make mistakes. Just lock them up deep down inside your mind so they can surface as weird sexual fantasies it takes your therapist years to decipher when your 40
I won't apologize to a one balled man
It's always nice when a total stranger hates your ex just as much as you think they should.
He had really great hair, but he told me he's been in a psych ward three times. I mean I know I'm a psych major, but that's too much.
I put in a tampon while driving a moving vehicle. I feel like this is simultaneously a new low and the sort of feat that deserves a merit badge.
She showed up at 4:30 in the morning HAMMERED, stripped, demanded sex, then after 4 failed attempts stopped me mid-thrust to tell me she thought we should be fucking for a cause, like animal rights. Process that for a second. She wanted us to be fucking for animal rights.
I went to steal condoms from your room and all I could find was chik fil a sauce
She's dancing around licking a fork of nutella. She is not sober.
Randomize
