He looks like a mix between a retired piano teacher and a cat that just swallowed a sock.
Pls stop me from telling anyone else my broken blood-vessel + splint are "climax-related" injuries.
Either this is the best sandwich I've ever had, or my stomach is just relieved to have something in it that's not Red Bull or semen.
He gave me his business card. It was a Justin Bieber trading card with his number written in sharpie. I have to call him don't I?
Oh god the guy I took underwear from at the bar is trying to add me as a friend on facebook now.
So the crazy cock blocking bitch sent her a picture of her boobs using MY phone and said: he's busy at the moment
we probably should not get naked in my neighbor's garage again. just sayin
I just creeped on air mattress guy's facebook and discovered his ex is the trifecta of evil: tiny, cute, and blonde.
I know it basically makes me the worst feminist ever, but I don't want to kill my own spiders. And I will pay my personal spider hit man with sammiches and unlimited , uninhibited access to my vagina.
I've decided he is effectively a mouth, hands and cock held together by bad ideas and compliments, and I'm OK with that.
This is my college life. Rolling at 4PM on a Wednesday to skrillex in the parking lot of a mexican restaurant.
I don't know what song to play at my bong's funeral!
WELL I DIDNT KNOW IT WAS POSSIBLE TO COME SO HARD YOU HAVE AN ASTHMA ATTACK BUT HERE I AM
will a lunchtime blow job make it better?
had more orgasms than hours of sleep last night
Randomize
