Hey I found your number in my phone i dont remember how we met this is richard btw
strange i dont have your number must have been a drunk thing
could be more
absolutely not
pretty sure mid blowjob I told him I needed to call you and ask you if this was whore-ish. He hid my phone from me.
T-minus about 54 seconds until I am too high to speak English.
I'm jealous
My throat feels like a candle.
you know you made some mistakes when your last two boyfriends are both obsessed with women's curling...
She slept with 4 other guys since we went on a break. And her ex. But apparently she hasn't given any bjs out of respect for me. Why does that comfort me?!
Dude you have to come get or im gonna nail this 64 y/o woman as repayment for buying me shots of jager
I just saw him carrying his little sister while walking his puppy. And he was shirtless. I swear my ovaries just exploded
"Bring the kids" is the most terrifying 3 words I've ever heard in my life.
When Pony by ginuwine plays I pretty much just grind on the nearest penis.
They were so huge my eyes were just drawn to them. Boob gravity man.
I ate the crust off the pizza and left the rest in the box. Even I would hate me.
Unless he's under 18, in which case you put him back where you found him this instant.
How do you politely tell a guy that you only kissed him so he would shut the fuck up?
I was writing 'DISTRACTION' across my chest in Sharpie when my boob fell out. Right on camera.
Just remembered sticking my head out the window as i drove us to walmart and yelling that i was a golden retriever.
Also, sorry for verbally assaulting you when you asked if you could dump the bowl.
Randomize
