i can't believe i never thought of this: farticle man
She's like the female version of the Momento guy. She keeps forgetting that I'm an asshole after we have sex.
Breakfast is bomb, yo. McDonald's before ten thirty is like Katie Holmes before Tom Cruise.
The night started going down hill when she shot the cashier in the face with the confetti gun we bought at 711.
he tried to catch his projectile vomit...then went back to beer pong
We're not on Beacon Street anymore so now your argument about not peeing on the sidewalk holds no water. Whereas my bladder has holded every water.
She just pored wine down the turkeys hole and said that she christened it like the whore that it is...happy thanksgiving.
Taking my underwear off at work was one of my better decisions this weekend
I got tossed from adult league soccer for telling a 55 year old I'd break his hip. I'm a productive member of society
Tequila Tuesdays need to not carry on throughout the week. Having a sad Saturday
The amount of times I have been emergency drunk in the past 72 hours is staggering
You can't be mad... I'm letting you jerk off in my parents shower
You have cats and a ten year IUD. Embrace it.
How did the surgery go?
My face feels like a marshmallow.
I hate closet cases. I've been wooing this chick the entire quarantine. We finally meet up tonight, we're two drinks in, I've got my hand half way up her skirt and her husband calls. She promised to bring home dinner.
Randomize