Can i not drive my cunt home
I'm pretty sure my penis yawned halfway through. That loose.
having to delete all your hookups stored in your phone as first name followed by frat/bar after they've graduated is such a bittersweet feeling
I'm going to have to start sleeping with my keys taped to my stomach.
I took my shirt off and stood in the kitchen for an hour and a half talking to his parents about my tattoos
98% is good enough for me. Kinda like birth control. Worth the risk
you know you have a brother who cares when he hands you a piece of pizza before you pass out from too many bong hits
I have the perfect view of a sexy blonde in yoga pants stretching from the shoulder press machine. I'll be here all night. So glad I came high.
Ur here with me in spirit. Now run free. Run free
so far, I've observed him try to hit on 3 girls, 1 guy and a bar stool. Humanity is amazing from a sober point of view.
I just smoked a bowl alone and took my Zyrtec here's to a full night.
i found waldo and immediately set him to work eating me out. please have more out of season costume parties.
Sending out old nude selfies with the message "#tbt"
Fuck that guy and his dumb haircut and awesome dick
So I fell alseep while I was motorboating that girl last night infront of the entire party.
He gave his liver a pep talk before the vodka chugging started
Randomize
