We just all danced like dinosaurs in the center of the dance floor.
sooo my mom just yelled up the stairs " you left your bowl down by the computer"....aaand for a second I forgot cereal bowls still existed
Hey we need to step our game up. Dad has us beat; he stole a vending machine once.
Please do not make a facebook page for my hickeys.
if you just come over, i will entertain you
arguing about the color of your bong does not count as entertainment
A sandwich with pizza as the bread. I love you.
YES WITH THE SQUARE KIND OF SLICES
Really?!? Does he think blocking me on FACEBOOK means that he doesn't have a kid with me?!
Hey, it's Thrasher! From the hospital!
Well I found out I was essentially dumped and replaced by a hipster and apparently offered a girl $95 to go out with me. In the spirit of the Olympics I will not be spending any time on the medal stand.
I feel like i just got chewed up and shit out by a ukranian midget
My roommate was tripping balls last night, he kept me up all fucking night
Roommate? Please tell me you're not calling your cat your roommate
Somehow she talked me into getting my dick pierced, weird first date.
The highlight was when a stranger was nose to nose with you threatening to kick ur ass, and you said "Is that your real face? Stopped him dead.
So I considered mediating this morning and instead I master-bated...same thing right?
Someone left a middle school yearbook here. I recognized one kid from banging his mom last year.
Randomize
