ok i'm going to motor boat your sister now. ttyl
me and ur bf were arguing about whether coke was vegan. i really hope it's vegan
im at planned parenthood. the form wants to know what our usual form of contraception is?
anal.
First thing I heard on the radio when I got in the car: "humans and dinosaurs used to live happily together"... I need to stop listening to Christian radio...
My face is tingly. And my legs are being massaged by golden elves.
I think I'm dead. Why did I think it was a good idea to hang from the banister while someone poured liquor into my mouth?
the night probably should have been over when the guy let her fill out my mechanical bull waver for me because i couldn't read
your ability to divide cases of beer among any given group of people equally was missed.
Please show REO speedwagon ur boobs for me.
When you're really drunk, Japanese toilets just have an unnecessary amount of buttons.
there's people who respect me enough not to bang on my bed and i think that's beautiful
So if I run into you on the street, I'm supposed to just stop drop and suck your dick?
While all of the skanky girls from the crowd got on stage we screamed fair game and scoped out all their boyfriends, she made out with 2, this is what we call taking advantage of the situation
I think its a little fucked up she invited you to her wedding, are you going?
There is a lot of acid in my drugs right now
....ill put you down as a no then
Is it acceptable to bring pot to a funeral or am I going to have to do this shit sober?
Randomize
