I woke up this morning and saw that I had transferred $0.75 from my savings account to my checking account.
It's chlamydia! Thank God!
Your two fuck buddies playing ping pong together. HOW. ADORABLE!
I want a nosebag of coke after my exam. Like what horses have. Coked up horses. No excuses. I love you.
New level of high: If I could bathe in my salsa right now I would.
Sorry I kept grabbing your vagina at the casino. I believed it was my lucky unicorn to win bonuses
So, this year for my birthday, want to get rip-roaring schmammered and watch my episode of my super sweet 16? We can do lines off my tiara.
Shit my boyfriend's roommate thinks thinks: I love getting woken up to the sound of my roommate getting a blowjob
like I licked Molly off a boys palm last night at a bar I think its ok to eat chicken once a week
"He didn't answer my snap so I know he's arrested"
I want to bone him until his eyes fall out
Tip of the day: Don't Amazon vibrators when your WHOLE FAMILY uses your prime account. There's dildo after dildo showing up in my "Related to Items You've Viewed" category on the home page.
That's the second time the same cop pulled me over well a different girl was giving me road head
Anyways enough about genital fatigue...
I bet he’d be surprised by the epic blow job he’d get if he stopped talking about his wife long enough for me to get in the mood
Randomize
