I hate to say it, but I think my pandora being Marvin Gaye love songs was the prime reason for the bj last night
ya i looked horrible drunk and pregnant isn't a good combination
she did the YMCA with her lgs... i think she forgot she wasnt wearing any underwear
at the hospital. he locked himself in the kitchen, said he was making beer batter shrimp. don't know if it's the mercury poisoning, alcohol poisoning or second degree burns they're holding him for, but i've got a pretty guess.
Sleeping with two different guys who share a driveway is getting increasingly challenging to keep secret
Can I just put my face in your boobs and forget the world?
that's just what you get for learning massage techniques from gay porn
I mean I feel like if you explain to the emoji app company that your friend got plastered and fell to the ground and is trying to scheme her way back to normal life and get her dignity back they would understand just how necessary it is to have a fingers crossed emoji...
I'm sorry, the person you're trying to reach is WAYYY too high to deal with this right now.
And then she sprinted three blocks through live traffic towards McDonalds screaming "THE GOLDEN ARCHES ARE CALLING ME"
I slept on her porch...in her dads handcuffs
I made an executive decision to rename my Resume file to something other than MONEYMONEYMONEY.
why did i wake up in the bathroom?
we had to stay with you a while until we convinced you it wasn't safe to wash your face, then you fell asleep with your foot in the toilet.
You could cut the tension with my nipples.
You date? I thought you just hooked up with your TAs
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