Yo I charged a $20 breakfast to ur room, will pay u back in liquor and schoolgirl panties, thx again for a fun time
I have a pussy blister if you wanna poke at it with a needle tomorrow...by this text i realize just how strange our relationship is, especially because you're probably excited
I think you mean your blister is filled with pus...atleast i hope
We did lines off of a Whitney Houston CD case. That makes everything okay.
Why were you having sex on top of my left over pizza in the kitchen?
I mean I drunk but not enough to handle a Scientology convention
Woke up with his dick on the side of my face, it's like he passed out mid-mushroom stamp.
My night consisted of weed, sex, and Mexican food. In that order. I think we found the keys to saving our marriage.
Well, now that you have a gf, its gonna be awkward when I get drunk and make out with you..... Then later, pretend like I don't remember.
Why were you eating a hot dog in the bathroom at 230 am?
My roommate was sleeping, I thought it would be rude
We're having Wednesday-night goat-night at the bar.
It's hard to explain...
I just rode a horse than walked onto my property in boarshorts, flip flops, and holding a 40. What do I win?
hey if you're going to the hospital do you wanna pick me up a taco on your way back
I ate the crust off the pizza and left the rest in the box. Even I would hate me.
so like what it comes down to is do I wanna look like a boss ass bitch or do I wanna masturbate.
I'm listening to Michael Jackson while drinking vodka, alone. Honestly, l wish I could Moonwalk my way back to when I knew wtf was going on in my life.
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