i now understand why he chose to have sex with my friend rather then me after lookin in the mirror this morning. and id do the same thing.
i just hate vaginas for liking penis's insside them
just taught 3 girls from korea how to fist pump on chat roulette.
Awesome morning. I just met my boyfriend's wife, should I have shaken her hand or was the hug a tad over the top?
I'm one shot of soco 100 away from fucking a mailbox
he asked if i wanted their team name to be " Amandas angels" or " Fuk budies" either way an intermural softball team of all my hook ups from spring semester is just depressing. convenient but depressing
Let's drink?
Just because it's bacon vodka doesn't mean it's for breakfast.
I think you are the only one slutty enough and evil enough for the job. Just go in and blue ball him. He broke my nose in Middle school. He deserves this.
She wants to go as a facebook "like" for halloween, but right now her costume looks more like the hamburger helper hand with broken fingers.
Wait... All I had to do was ask for a sandwich and you would have come over
I'm going to avoid eye contact because my old high school English teacher is not who I feel like seeing after I just had a dick in my mouth
He's like a hurricane
a drunk, sexist, hurricane
Don't take advice from me. I'm simultaneously shitting and eating cheesecake.
We didn't have a place to have sex. So we timed the automatic car wash & spent $9 for 3 minutes and 45 secs of car sex.
I blacked out after the piñata full of condoms
Randomize
