the only thing coherent you said from what i saw of you is when you were throwing up, i asked if you were done and you just "uh huh you know what it is"
Their car went through the first bag of wine on the drive up...clearly 6 bags was not enough.
i mean, what better way to remind him of his failures in life than to fuck his roommate/fraternity brother?
she asked how her costume looked and all i could say was bars are dark right?
Having vodka and cokes for lunch at work today because absolutely ZERO fucks are being given.
Are you doing trivia tonite? Also sorry I peed on you.
His pillow talk sucks. It was like Mr. Roger's vagina.
I would steal a car if I knew it had wheat thins in it
is it necessary to steal the whole car?
They were arguing about who would hit the piñata first so naturally you tore it open with your hands. You broke the piñata and their hearts.
Dude, there are some things that you can't un-see. Her, beached on a dog bed, is one of them.
My walk of shame wasn't complete until I projectile vomited clutching my truck bumper while he just smiled with that look of regret.
You left your hot dogs in my dresser again
Any idea why my ass cheeks are bruised again?
The fact that theyre bruised AGAIN means you're not adult enough to know why.
My husband just came over to kiss me and said, "careful, I got a block of cream cheese in my pocket"
You started singing Baby Shark, screamed you have no idea how it goes, then somehow turned the beat into Bohemian Rhapsody
Randomize
