her voice honestly makes me want to vomit. i have springsteen cranked up all the way.
I'm too high to be shopping. I just contemplated deoderant for fifteen minutes. Now testing pillows
So, after having sex with my 4th overweight girl in 2 weeks, I've decided Charlie Sheen syndrome is ruining my life.
i just successfully used the word "hymen" in a paper...welcome to senior seminar in lit.
I'm sorry for peeing on your door. But it was your decision to open it.
PS August 29 of last year was when you ran over my foot. Facebook just reminded me.
On our way there. Drinking my beer out of a coffee pot. Cuz it's my bday
Not sure if you're still doing the whole "sleeping with only one person" thing but if you're not we should sleep together when I get back in town tonight.
yeah...well...life isn't all puppies & lap dances
Please tell me you did not shit your Disney princess costume.
There is a guy down by the river wearing a zebra print speedo and a sombrero, with a beer in each hand, screaming "This is America bitches!"
I kinda wanna drive through the Gator bar parking lot and seeing if my panties are on they ground, they should be right next to my pride...
I'm a shining star this evening. Dancing with a cane in rite aid now. I should be kept under survaillance.
I think the cop who arrested me yesterday is at my gym rn should I say hi
i walked into her house and she introduced me to her family. i dont think she understands the term booty call
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