I feel like death. Did you die last night?
Nope. Ready for round 2. Fiesta!
unreal. Greatest comeback since Jesus
she's not even a shacker, she never made it inside. she's just a porch girl
I am not a stalker...i just bring a whole new meaning to the word love
Quick question: how long can sperm live in a rug?
you were standing in two feet of water, screaming at people walking by to "call river rescue".
I make your heart skip a beat like that pivotal moment when you open a public toilet lid
we didnt plan anything. just randomly met up in the park, both reached into our pockets and each lit up a joint without exchanging words. we're telepathic potheads.
I almost had sex in a public restroom last night in case you're wondering how much of a mess 22 is for me
do I look like a person who has full control of their limbs and existence on this plane of reality
But really, someone with a penis give me attention before I start posting nudes on Instagram.
How did you end up breaking into that laundromat at 3am? I saw the snapchat but like..... How?
you said "it's karaoke night" and tried to use my dick as a microphone
The drag queen you used to date and the girl you brought over last night are discussing your sex noises in my living room. I'm changing my locks.
Will you still call me Bond when I'm sober?
This lady is talking to me and all I can think about is getting face fucked and doing cocaine. Not neccesarily together and not neccesarily in that order
Randomize