Never name a vibrator after ashton kutcher
There needs to be waaaay more alcohol in my apartment if I am going to survive being unemployed
No, I am not setting up my roomba to clean up puke.
The stripper was waving you to the stage, not up on the stage. That's why you got choked out.
I think that means you're growing up...when your coke nail becomes your opening mail nail.
Im about to smoke a huge bowl. My penis is so happy. Who needs girls.
Well anyways I still cant believe I don't remember such a monumental day in history as you showing me your boobs... Jesus
Locals got pissed I was talking to the barmaid. Tried to tell me that they keep all the good beer at "a Soho walkup" Google saved me
Happy anniversary, did you sign and mail in the divorce papers yet?
…wtf were in those pills mom gave me
He had a flex off with himself in the mirror but he thought it was someone else for at least 20minutes.
I think I offered a man a blowjob for his power ranger suite last night...
Truth. Though I have held steadfast to the notion while the rest of you wavered. I had faith in his homosexuality.
Dude no i feel my liver disintegrating
We won like $80 last night at the casino, so if we get the Plan B we still have enough to get your basic bitch latte from Dunkin. Calm down.
Randomize
