Courtney? Is that you? I have pictures of this very same night.
his balls ACTUALLY tasted like nuts
this is no time to have dignity 4/20 is coming
Congratulations, you fucked a nickle into me.
Just found a wrench in the washing machine. Sooo not doing your laundry anymore.
Just heard the words 'Pussy Riot' on NPR...I almost crashed my car.
It feels like I'm being stabbed in the uterus with a rake. That night was totally worth it though. Thanks.
Professor just informed us that she can't come to class today because her daughter broke her glasses and she can not see where she is going. Am I still drunk from this weekend?
Boise Idaho, where you have a one night stand with someone from your town 3 states away and run into them the day you return...
YOU CANT FOOL THE TOILET
I just got fingered in the Win-Co parking lot for pills. How's your meltdown going?
After we finished having sex, he drunkenly tried to hugh five me, farted, then accused me of stealing his socks.
You said "I feel like a koala bear. Do you ever just feel like a koala bear?" This is your brain on drugs.
I got a pots and pans set and a vibrator. Merry Crisis.
Apparently I repeatedly thanked the paramedic for saving the "happy new year" beads i was wearing. that bad.
Randomize
