Spraying perfume on pants makes them clean right?
Life lesson. Learning to pee left handed is easier than learning brickbreaker left handed. Rather lose a few drops than a few lives
at least you know where his tattoos end, so it wasn't a complete waste of time.
Lets just say I chased with a burrito.
she asked me where ive been her entire life and the guy in the room next to us yelled "with other women bitch!"
Drink for every country you've never heard of.
Fuuuuuuuuuck
Liz is crying about burritos again.
I woke up this morning with a pop tart under my pillow with one bite eaten. Another pop tart was in the floor. No recollection whatsoever. I ate the one under my pillow for breakfast, though.
Can we talk about how i am holding a tupperware container of my own puke in the back of my grandparents car while my sister drives
I will rip it off your body in ways are socially offensive but you still kind of like.
I have to go buy generic plan b after work. I don't even leave for the new semester for another 11 days. I think I just leveled up in sluttiness
I tried to cut you?! I'm sorry! PS where's my hair?
I passed out in your bed last night...there maybe a snickers and twix bar under your pillow
Another thing to add to the list of things not to do while I'm drunk......explain to the upstairs neighborr how to have quiet orgasams......she now thinks I want to be part of a threesome......fuck my life
Just when I thought we may have our first low-key night together, I sang an Aladdin karaoke song to a bunch of roller derby girls, you took shots with married women, and we both fell asleep in our offices.
Randomize
