so i have my big date this weekend, and i was practicing giving head with a bottle in the shower. i stopped and looked at the botton of the bottle. it was PURE MOLD! if i die, dont tell the doctors how this happened....
my mom is pro-life. I dare you to fuck me.
i just opened up my bathroom cabinet to get deodorant and found 4 bottles of natty. Its like the world wants me to miss this interview
don't blame me for your drunken lack of judgement
big words... still drunk. dont care. your fault.
there were like 150 questions AFTER the application. you'd think for a store that has dick molding kits it'd be a joke
I swear to god he's a one man village people.
You Were screaming "Im trying to get it in" and "stop cock blocking" while i threw you in the car
Dude how did you get resin on my keyboard?
I can't tell whether I'm a) still hungover from two nights ago, b) legitimately sick or c) all of the above... multiple choice was never my forte
No no don't get confused. We do chemistry homework on Thursdays. We screw on Fridays. Other than that, Words With Friends is our only communication five days a week. We are NOT dating.
Going to the u of w I constantly have that moment of, oh hey I felt you up at that rave at folk fest that one time. Winnipeg is too small.
We need to do something soon. I need like 4,000 beers and a cigarette.
It will be too late. I will have fornicated with the enemy by then.
So hungover and decided to eat a burrito and a pot brownie for dinner, this is what adulthood looks like.
Sexual side note: sushi and cum do not mix well. That is all.
Randomize
