it was so cute when you were pretending to have willpower
clearly I should have checked to see if he was an NRA member before I went back to his house and woke up in Heston's haven.
why do guys feel they can ask questions when im blowing them? you'd think they'd know my answer will always be "mmhmhmhmmm"
you sang the finger bang song from south park while fingering me. needless to say, kind of a turn off.
you're by far the better bro. your dick is more impressively sized, anyway
I hate that you know that from experience
My number one goal in life is to find out who can fill a keg with Popov
Me and Phil are just drawing pictures of thumbs in different costumes during lecture. I love being a senior.
If I EVER wake up with two black eyes again you better come up with a better story than trying to see how many punches I could take.
Because making bad decisions is what makes our house great and I don't plan on changing that anytime soon.
Did we have sex last night?
No. You laid in my bed and I brought you taco bell.
Fuck you. I've got onesies to keep me warm at night. And this bottle.
Woke up with a padlock locked onto my ear gauge and the first of many sticky note clues on my chest leading to the key.
Remind me to NEVER AGAIN mix beer with tequila with beer with whiskey with vodka with rum with vodka.
just had sex in a stairwell with six feet five inches worth of drama
If it makes you feel any better I almost got kicked out of the bar for yelling "enjoy your celebratory incest"
I love you.
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