Wine + wine + wine + wine + bud light = puke.
And then he used the flashlight app to illuminate me giving him head. Thanks IPhone
I don't see why you're so upset, it's not like you were wearing pants either.
I am planning my day around naps and lesbians.
I'm currently making some changes in my life. If you don't hear from me anymore, then you're probably one of them. Or I'm dead.
Wake up, take the dog to the trails, puke in the woods. More days should start like this.
Yeah I fingered her in the crowd and the dj saw it and gave me props over the speakers. I got so many high fives.
Never thought I would be taunted by little kids about my walk of shame
i just got banned from the m&m's website for trying to get poon slayer written on my custom order
You were throwing cups at people in the basement, yelling at them to get out of your swamp.
I couldn't find the oven mitts so I used a thick stack of tortillas
I'm sorry I keep having sex wth your friends. I'm done, for real. Unless cole is interested. Other than that, I'm done.
My move is emasculating men with my superior intellect and it's not as charming when they can't see my huge rack.
Went to the lab to print and realized the guy next to me was the one we stole all the beer from last night..... Oops
Apparently today is power bottom appreciation day
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