i'm at the point now where i want him to say anything. even an apology for his boomerang-shaped penis would be nicer than no comment.
There are walks of shame and then there are walks of what the hell is wrong with you.
You said eat breakfast. So i poured Baileys on top of m&m's. It taste just like like cereal I swear.
Just got my first unemployment direct deposit!!!' celebrating at the beach
Me toooooo!! Margaritas
I never knew being a drain on a functioning society would feel so good
This guy just tried to hit on me on facebook. His most recent listed education is middle school. This is my life.
i wish i had a super power and that that super power was shooting out mdma from my fingertips or something
You were trying to swim on the floor while eating a hot-dog bun and laughing about how much you hate bread and didn't understand why you were eating it..
i mean let's face it...the pregnant girl was really slowing us down.
I just want to let it be known that I almost put my phone in the fridge.
why can't I meet attractive men at the places I like to hang out? like books a million. or the liquor store.
the straight edge chick smoked with me, because according to her my bowl is pretty
I know it was your bday but bringing a airhorn and blowing it yelling "buy me a fucking shot" in the bartenders face was a little uncalled for
Sometimes having a penis is like having a really stupid drunk best friend. You see it doing dumb shit but you're just not the one in charge.
You know you were really drunk last night when you woke up and had someone else's jacket with their car keys and medical marijuana that you wore home from the bar and no sign of your actual jacket.
he drove over two hours to fuck me and came in 3 minutes. he got mad when I asked him if it was worth it...
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