dude, you're never picky with who you hook up with, have a little dignity
nah man, chicks are like pokemon, gotta catch \'em all
Latenightwjoannablackberrywontletmespaceitknowsimdrunk
I told him I had my daily dose of vitamin c so i wouldn't blow him
His idea of a romantic evening was shotgunning Keystones. What a keeper.
dude if Megan calls say you Sis was house sitting for me yesterday , she f'n found dana's panties
Well after last night it's official...I cannot die...it time to use this power for good instead of handle contests
Before you say anything, my vagine does NOT discriminate against young dads
I feel like today should be a " im going to have sex with you cause its raining and theres nothing else to do" kinda day
sooo... you have no idea who nailed their tubesocks to my wall?
I'd say the best part of the party was when you screamed to everyone that you were gettin dome on the reg
I apologized for the whole SWAT team incident to the roommate.
Pounding your chest saying "me Tarzan" is not flirting or even talking
the new numbers in my phone would beg to differ
It's a good thing he's hot, because it seemed like he was trying to do CPR on my private parts
Okay, this next statement may sound like a red flag but I'm tellin you, shotgunning those two beers really helped me love my child more effectively. Honest.
THEY LEFT ME IN A CLUB BY MYSELF. I’M SO ANNOYED. I’M GOING TO FUCK THEIR BARTENDER FRIEND. Caps only because I’m really mad.
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