I just did your MASH and your life is pretty unfortunate. Youre marrying the tech guy for love. you live in a shack and you're a hooker and you make $1 a day. you drive a brown limo and you have 7 kids
when i came out to my mom, it was over brunch. i was eating a banana. not exactly my smartest breakfast choice.
He tried to make eye contact, he should know by now that freaks me out
You spent about half an hour trying to convince me that mesh condoms were a good idea.
I'm kind of concerned that there are now two different videos of me with knives
You were doing karaoke. Then you screamed "SHOUTOUT TO ADAM LAMBERT" and started making out with the very surprised looking guy next to you.
Omg just remembered. I tried to kidnap a dog.
He made me eat donuts off his dick. donuts, jen. DONUTS.
Omg. I have a story to tell you later about that girl that just crawled on stage
It took me fifteen minutes to go from puking on my doorstep infront of my old lady neighbor to legit presentable person able to care for children. Bronzing powder and I deserve an award.
I'd marry him just to keep his penis in the country
I fell asleep completely naked, standing up with my arms and head in the freezer
One day I'll learn not to get drunk on a plane. Today is not that day.
danced like there was no tomorrow. surprise. there's a tomorrow
Anyone who does not know who Paul McCartney is does NOT get to put hands in my pants
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