she is unbelievable! ever pee on a girl?
not while she was awake
Assholes at mcdonalds drive through wouldn't serve us last night even though we said we were on small motorcycles that were to small for them to see and weren't heavy enough for the sensors. We made noises and everything.
Helping high family members not look retarded is what family is for
So I'm up to masturbating three times a day, drunk textin my ex, not doing any hw and I've failed half of my tests so far
Sounds better than last semester
No one even knew you were hurt until we saw the multiple cuts to prove it, and when we asked what happened all you could say was "I fell out"
He kept telling me how extraordinarily clean my ears were.
My neighbor is on the his front porch in a robe dipping a popsicle into what appears to be vodka. I want to be his son.
Please tell me how I go from a guy with a coke problem to a cop. My own life doesn't even make sense to me anymore
Oh damn it. Let me get a beer. I can't take anymore bad news. Hold on.
this weekend took five years off my life and what was left of my dignity
I just used a gift card from my in-laws to buy their daughter a vibrator. What even are morals?
I'm on my third roll of toilet paper. Today can fuck right off.
Remind me to tell you about how I hit a tree with my car last night.
I'll be glad to.
Pretty penis doesn't make up for awkward eye contact.
I am so so sorry I bit your butt last night. Twice.
Randomize
