i only hope i can top last weeks sext session
Take a Tylenol with a HUGE glass of water before you pass out, you'll thank me in the morning.
i dony have tylonal but i had a snickers and popcorn and a bottle of water and i am.. brushing my teeth!
I hate girls that dress up to come to planned parenthood. I just want to be like we are all in the same boat here, we know your slutty. Its OK.
bailing my boss out of jail is a great way to spend memorial day
He kept his baseball cap on when he went down on me...
whatever. i almost had sex in a car with someone passed out in the back seat. phone's not my biggest worry.
I'm flagged. Drank strippers water. Flashed Dave tryin to get a job here. You order the shots. Green tea betch.
I feel like you just railed me after that sext
All you had to say was "damn dude that looks fun, I miss ice fishing." But you sent a picture of poop. Classy
Moral of the story: always keep condoms in your bra
Yeah i like want to be friends with him. And if we have sex in the physics library well thats fine with me
I'm just to the point my give a fucks is so far in the red that I'm going to have to take out a 30yr loan of fucks to repay it
It's not as funny as it sounds. I shit myself at the company Christmas party.
He hit me with his bagpipe
Isnt that against the lesbian handbook?
I dont know who to turn my two weeks notice into so I'm just going to get hammered at work and see who fires me.
Randomize