Odds of those being real?
One in who gives a fuck
I cant date a girl that sucks dick at sucking dick
This freshman just ran out of her seat in a 200 person lecture, opened the emergency door and vommed everywhere. Then quietly went back to her seat. $2 Pitchers hit someone hard last night.
Tempting. But I already used the alcohol poisoning excuse at work this month. No way he would believe it a second time...
I'm making celebratory pizza rolls. They're a lot like regular pizza rolls, but without the taste of shame.
you better not pull some "waking up at 2 in the afternoon" shit, we have weed to smoke.
Btw, whenever you feel discouraged about your life, think about me being frantically upset bc my mobile porn site limited me to only 5 videos a day
You told her that she shouldn't be allowed to wear clothes then when her roommate asked if you like her you said "no I just want to insert things into her"
I stand by it.
For the sake of my mom, I can't sleep with two guys with the same name. She has a hard enough time keeping up as it is
At this point, I'd date an ax murderer. So long as he doesn't cry all the time, have ED, or leave me with his unspayed cat. My list of requirements is becoming increasingly specific.
I noticed while having sex on Friday that I have great endurance. CrossFit works.
I am praying to every god I can that he drank so much that he won't even remember me
Today one of my patients offered me pot brownies. Medical school worth it. Living the dream.
yeah, last night we handcuffed you and you started crying saying that you weren't a bad person
Just come here quick. I'm home in 3min. It will take you literally less than 5 to walk. Then 2 to undress, 16 to fuck, 2 to dress again and 5 to walk back..!!
exactly 16 eh??
Randomize
