i was rollin on her like bob the builder
I feel like if your cat could talk she would call me a cunt.
I wanted to dispute a few 411 charges on my phone bill. The service rep told me I called them four times asking for Lady Gaga's number.
my text book just quoted the cookie monster
He just left me a message saying he left the rest of the weed for me. Did i just get paid for sex? And if yes did i just get paid in drugs?
When you started Hi-fiving people I knew u were fucking gone. You slapped some dude on the shoulder when he wouldn't hi-five you and he asked if he even knew you
I'm crawling around naked in my room looking for my hairbrush. Just thought I'd put that image in your head.
Her voice kills me. Its the perfect pitch to fuck with my hangover.
It's not a good hook up if during you're thinking "how will this damage me psychologically"
I just discovered I can sober up while teaching class
So did you grab that log full of poison ivy for the fire and then apparently take a piss on Saturday night too or was that just me?
will we ever learn or are we destined for a life of poison ivy covered balls?
Why does my therapist keep calling when I jerk off?
I feel like you're the reason public nudity is illegal and generally frowned upon in society
At least I had a $10 coupon for Plan B today. Smart shopping for bad decisions
You drank the pool water to get rid of your hiccups
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