i have a strong urge to join the asians in the park doing tai chi. I think im still high .
I often get tempted to walk up to her drunk ass and say, "shouldn't you be taking care of your kid?"
Just ate lunch with a paperclip again. Seriously, need to invest in plastic forks.
You tend to look at life differently when you wake up to nutella vomit all over your room with no recollection of how it got there
You know how to spell recollection?
I save people's lives for a living, but I want to ruin his marriage.
i've never seen someone face fit so perfectly in a toilet bowl
dude Steve you don't even know. its just been one hairy asshole after another.
I came in and I guess my parents didn't hear me. My dad just said "Don't be lazy, RIDE IT." to my mom. Never coming home again.
Like I cant decide if he's like autistic or something or just seriously cock blocks himself on purpose with this shit
He and his ex stood there talking about going to get Chinese food while I was half naked searching for my panties
Pretty sure I'm partying in a onesie right now.
It was great. We stayed up all night talking about objects he'd put in his theoretical vagina.
What happened last night? I just woke up and there's like 15 mcflurry cups on the floor
You don't remember stealing them?
he said "i'm the cat whisperer, watch". he took a hit from the pipe, grabbed the cat and blew the smoke in its ear. he grinned and the cat started purring. it was magnificent
Apparently I drunkenly told him I was going to ride him to the rodeo and break him like a bronco, then I stole his nachos and beer. Adulting is hard!!!
Randomize