I just woke up in bed next to my teacher. Does that mean I'm passing now?
and if it starts getting weird im just going to tell him i used to be a man
there should be laws that require people like to me to be on birth control.
It's sad that the best source of heat that I have is my vaporizer.
why is my new profile picture on Facebook one of me with a bunch of strangers on an elevator?
My roommate says its rare that you can be tear gassed before you lose your virginity so i feel accomplished in life
want to know what my life has come to? I just took a 45 min shower banging on the walls and making loud sex noises so my neighbors think I get some.
Now I'm obligated to stay and cuddle with her because the condom broke. Fuck.
I should make a collage of all the pictures of me caught doing slutty things
She really has to stop the coke at some point. Won't she run out of money eventually?
Won't she run out of nose eventually?
I didn't want to have shaved for no reason, so I told him I'd blow him if he would just come over and appreciate the smoothness of my legs.
Then a third Canadian I didn't know showed up to the hotel room at like 3am. I let him sleep in our bed because he had pizza.
this old people party is bangin. they have apple cider with everclear in it
OMG OMG OMG Ive hit the penis jackpot
It seriously took everything in my power not to sleep with him
What did it come out and serenade you? Lol
It sang to me in the dark. It was magical
My Dachshund waddled into the room carrying a rolled-up pad in her mouth with period blood. This day is clearly off to a good start.
Randomize
