Eric just called. Says he's trapped in a cul de sac because the road disappeared. Wants me to tell him what street has the bushes that whisper sweet nothings into you ear and the wobbling purple pokemon. Oh, and a "bigger and better" penis is growing out of his belly button. He took shrooms by the way.
am i morally bankrupt?
no. its just the recession
So baked. Thought the twigs on the sidewalk were caterpillars with the ability to harden in self defense. Had to pick one up to be sure.
Let's play a little game called "Chill the Fuck Out" - you're our first contestant
Just saw actual Chinese people doing a Chinese firedrill. Good day.
The problem is he wears abercrombie jeans like there's nothing wrong with it
Would it be too much if i wore depends to new moon so i dont miss any of it?
Well then I realized I had a bigger problem when I woke up a long board.
and then you seriously asked him to senior prom..which freaked him out since you told him earlier you were 22
Hangover Status: I've been bedridden longer than that kid from The Secret Garden. It's not looking good.
Russians do not operate on the same level as the rest of us. hoping I wake up tomorrow
The best part of last night was the women's softball game on the TV at the strip club
Listen, I bought the coke that got us those free drinks, okay? Show some respect.
B. I found a note on my phone and all it says is 'Fuck yeah im a racecar'
Also, apparently I'm only coherent when I'm drunk sexting. And then I'm grammatically perfect and impressively eloquent.
Randomize
