I finally had kitchen counter sex! i was so excited
you should buy a sheep. A) you get an awesome pet. B) free coat
you were going around the whole club telling people to smell ur purse
why the fuck does my google maps say i'm in punjab?!?!? u think it has to do with like...outsourcing?
I couldn't walk, so he carried me all the way home; and then I told him that I wasn't drunk enough to fuck him. Poor kid.
sorry we overslept. have a good day at work. p.s. thanks for making it feel like my vagina got hit by a train.
you think she would figure it out that ever dude that fucks her is just doing it bc they are in a contest to bang the fattest girl
I will always remember that night by waking up in that tablecloth the next morning
The hot guy sitting next to me in the lib is reading a book called "Impersonal sex in public places." How wrong would it be to give him my number when I bounce?
The only thing keeping me calm right now is pretending to chop off everyone's heads when using the paper cutter
I need to get a job that holds me accountable for something. Otherwise I wake upon Monday wondering when the booze store opens and if I still have a boyfriend.
We decided to keep having sex while I ordered the pizza. I wanted extra pepperoooooooooooooni.
I feel like vibrating beds are just synonymous with venereal diseases.
The more time I spend surrounded by Mormons, the more I miss alcohol.
I’m on my way to fuck the new hockey player
Ride him like a Zamboni
Randomize
