If you think im a hippy you should see these girls. They would scissor mother nature if they had the chance.
i just had sex bonerless
a kid in a transformers shirt tried to pick me up last night at work. he also rolled up on a bicycle, the kind with pedals. do i look that easy?
I guess on the plus side everyone really, really enjoyed my nipple clamps
If I squint, he looks like Jude Law. But that's kind of a weird face to make during sex.
Passed out in a rocking chair on her porch. Woke up to the tow truck taking away my car.
Jameson and I invented street rugby last night. Yeah
He kept stopping sex to whisper in my ear, and the only thing I could understand was "double stuffed oreos"
I deserve to be covered in dicks
But, if I start dating you brother, I can't talk to you about the sex anymore!! Like... Can we talk about it anonymously?! I just won't use his name.
May I make reservations with your penis for this evening?
Also, my guy said they would be around. And i clarified that when I asked him for mushrooms he didn't hear "a mushroom or two" but rather understood I meant "all the mushrooms you can find between now and 4th of July."
They told him he could only pay in monopoly money and he pulls out a wad of it from his pocket... i think im in love
I’ve had a lot of vodka, 3 different dicks and no food since last night. Come get me
He sided with his father, so I slashed his tires. I’d say that’s a fair trade.
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