He just told me he would murder a thousand dolphins to be with me. Quite the charmer.
Woke up with feathers in my hair. at work. still drunk. sooo awkward.
is 1am too late, or too early to make bacon?
It's so hard to take my boss as an authorative figure with her New Moon movie tickets taped to her wall
just snorted lines off a mancala board. I'm destined to win this game.
Her brother is deaf.
no wonder she was so good with her hands
i just masturbated in footie pajamas. there's no judgement here.
First memory of my senior year: Going into registration still drunk from last night.
He was dressed up as Jesus and had vodka in one hand while he was blessing everyone and splashing them with holy water in the bathroom.
I was expecting it to be of the "I am your vagina's reckoning" caliber.
He did leave his bud tall boy and 2 choco tacos, so not a total loss.
I'm not gonna lie. The thing I miss the most about him right now is the air conditioned hotel rooms.
ok so i took my anxiety medication and i'm eating junior mints and i think my vagina will be ok
Just blew on a shot of whiskey to cool it off, like it was soup...
not even sure this counts as hungover but like my body can't exist in reality today
Randomize
