If it has a penis then it will be stupid. Just how it works.
Forever 21 now has a maternity line. Even more of an incentive for me to get pregnant at a young age.
All I know is I woke up next to her beside the toilet
Just came during my obgyn appt. I need to get laid.
But I feel like studying my flashcards during a blowjob would be rude...
Remember when I peed in the trash can in the ATM room last night?
Never thought I'd say this, but thank god for my blackouts.
What wine did you feed Jack? Might not want to waste the good stuff on kitties. Kitties only get box wine.
you strike me as the kind of person who when they spill something on their lap they take off their pants and eat it anyways. right off the crotch seam.
Are you kidding me????? How bout, IM SORRY FOR CALLING YOU 16 TIMES AND LEAVING YOU A TWO MINUTE VOICEMAIL OF MYSELF THROWING UP.
Why am I wearing a dog collar
Only way we could keep you from running in to traffic.
If I got to choose how I die, it would be in an Olympic sized pool of gin and tonic.
And to celebrate the raising of our lord I just purchased a bunny buttplug. Am I doing this Easter thing right?
There’s nothing that says motivation more than watching these little geniuses on Kids Baking Championship New Year’s Day. I’m ready to fuck shit up this year.
andy told me i got kicked out of the bar and was so drunk i forgot and got back in line. the bouncer was zero impressed
We should form a club for all of us that have stabbed a sibling with a fork!
Randomize
