On a scale of affliction to ed hardy, how douchy is in there right now?
Just saw my boss eat a banana in three bites.
"tonights gonna be a goodnight" was blasting at the club while i was screaming "NO ITS NOT" and crying. How do you think it went?
i tried to get you to come inside, but you insisted on throwing up in the flowers "because they're pretty."
two words...techno handjob
all of his pictures were taken on a library computer, how did you even consider fucking him?
She walked in, looked at the bed, sniffed, sighed, and went to grab her cleaning supplies. I'd say she knows.
She tried to lure me back to her house by saying she had "real" pizza.
Next time I see you, remind me to tell you how I fell through my attic door and landed on my feet in the garage on the first floor.
I like how I get messages from eharmony at the same time I'm looking for a new vibrator. It's like the powers that be are just trying to make my life ironic.
I'm at a restaurant. I am NOT about to discuss my asshole over the phone.
I feel like my stoner spirit animal is Janice from the muppets.
Would I be a horrible mom if I got a babysitter at 6am so I could go get laid.
Woah don't start going all boyfriend on me now, you're here for one thing and one thing only and that's sex, hot shameless sex.
He's got a big dick, a steady job and tells me I'm pretty. There is litterally nothing else I look for I a guy.
Randomize
