She looked like cheddar but tasted like limburger...
If it wasnt for my iphone and loopt, I would still be wandering the streets in a drunken stooper. Thanks Steve Jobs.
How many ice cream sandwiches is an acceptable meal replacement?
2.5
She told me my parents were awesome for leaving me uncircumcised...
the game I always play with drunk me is can-you-button-and-unbutton things? If the answer is no, go home. Usually it's his pants
Wondering when "babysitting" formed into "sleeping on the couch for five hours nursing a hangover and giving the kids Nyquil."
I think my staff loses a little bit of respect for me every time you're in town. I may have to puke at work ...again.
So this is what you do on your hungover days off put your balls into an egg carton?
god dammit I AM NO LONGER PUTTING UP WITH YOUR HETEROSEXUALITY I QUIT
I finally broke my dry spell. I did it. D-do-da-Dora.
Right?? Give me some apple scented candles and I'm a fall wet dream
I think the pizza guy was in shock..
Well I didn't mean to answer the door only in socks but I mean come on, 4 hours of sex works up an appetite! I WAS RAVENOUS
I walked in..crop dusted the whole place then asked her if she wanted to go to a place that smells better.
You were always a thinker
And by "have lunch together" you mean me giving you a blow job in the back of your Tahoe, right?
Gameplan: If the cops show up, find a potted plant to hide behind... It's worked before!
Randomize
