actually, I'm a sock model
On friday while at the hotel bar by myself (creepy) I made friends w/ a millionaire who said he may be running for the position of mayor in richmond va (likely a lie). At one point during our discourse he asked if I was crazy. In the effort of full disclosure I looked him in the eye and said yes
I don't know what prompted his inquiry, clearly this man had impeccable intuition
like if they didnt have tits and vagina, they have no idea how uninteresting to us they would be
I feel like we're taking advantage of the fact that our R.A has cerebal palsey.
and do you remember when you were dressing me if i had money in my bra?
How did you get the entire couch up on it's side and into the bathroom?
Since when do you have sex with people you have feelings for?
Dude you don't understand. I genuinely felt his soul's penis in my soul's vagina.
Ok now I cleared out half the bar and Em and I have 5 Jameson shots lined up for you. You have 15 min.
Maybe it was that imaginary ghost dick you were stuffing in your mouth a minute ago
Watching him is like watching a star slowly implode
I was peeing in the bathroom at this house party when a guy just casually stumbles out of the shower
Gotta admit I did think about bartering you out to the gay guys for $20 and the dudes flashy neck scarf
As yoda would say; A bitch, she is.
Moms love me. I'm the reminder that they need to turn safe search on.
My roommate just google searched "cumming blood" using my laptop. Her boyfriend is in her room, she looks scared. Words cannot explain how hilarious this is.
Randomize
