I'm sorry that you just had your first misguided homo experience
what's Bukake?
a bad idea.
Is it weird I updated my facebook status from my phone while I had explosive diarrhea in my boss's private bathroom?
That would be awkward if he commented on your status
it's a girl!!
That's great, I look forward to meeting her in 18 years
Judging by my dry clothes and wet sheets, I think I might have gotten out of bed, pissed ON it, covered it up, and passed out on top of it
It's 1 AM and there's a guy outside my house belting out Bennie and The Jets. He stops in between verses to puke. I'm joining him.
Some guy thought i was the waitress and handed me his credit card. drinks on me.
The taxi driver was going on about how many drunk chicks want to sleep with him when he drives them home. Not sure if he was bragging or hinting
Omg. Tonight might be the night I masturbate thinking of a smoothie!
COME AND FUCKING GET ME I AM IN SOME SORT OF JUNKYARD!!!
I got arrested in a leprechaun onesie
If you sleep with him I will stab you int the uterus with a pitchfork.
Prepare the pitchfork.
I SHOULD BE TERRIFIED OF HIS DRAGON DICK.
A true gentleman never tells. But yes, I did indeed get laid last night
I know you’re not my dad, but you’re someone dad. And you’re also like a second dad to me who I also send nudes to as well. Happy Father’s Day
Randomize
