I'm sad I can't be there is wknd, I'm laying on the beach and daydreaming of you / crying a bit
I'm watching a porn and daydreaming of you. Sounds like we both need Kleenex
Are you guys doing anything tonight?
Krysta
Where the fuck is Rob at, he hasnt answered his phone in like 2 weeks.
Dude Rob died 2 weeks ago wtf?
Holy shit r u serious? How?
Just kidding, but im pretty sure he boned your gf and doesnt want to talk to you.
My mom just got knocked over by a rollerblader. I'm trying not to laugh, bc my family looks pretty concerned
Instead of just putting in it he asked "will you do the honors?" it was the cutest thing I had ever heard before sex.
it appears as though my vagina has gotten the best of me again
His roomates just started party boying me. He stood there with the look of horror on his face.
He asked me if I could call his penis destroyer... Uhh SOS.
I'm standing in the shower drinking with the light off and a candle lit, listening to Amy Winehouse. Be proud.
You were laying in bed whispering and crying to the half eaten burrito saying "why am I shitting so much" and "what did I do to deserve this"
She climbed up the stairs with three brownies in one fist, two in the other, and one in her mouth. Also, she opened the bedroom door with her foot. I may be in love.
I do feel like I owe you an apology for trying to fuck your dad last night but in my defense everyone knows I shouldn't drink tequila.
I have a corndog on my dresser and a trashcan of puke. Thanks for a great night!
I can't handle more than one dick at once. I become crazy. It's hard to be mellow and free spirited and polygamous at the same time.
I never thought I'd end up with a prison pen pal through tinder
Randomize
