I almost didn't recognize her with a shirt on.
Astroglide: It's like Bengay for your ass.
Dude my date hates me, Im on a rooftop full of Turkish people, and Ricky Martin is blasting on the radio. I was wrong earlier when I said I have my shit together
so I called to to smoke and you didn't pick up so I smoked and now I'm a race car
So at what point do I tell her that I like fucking these hot southern girls more than I like my relationship with her?
I don't remember her missing an ear while we were at the bar
No fucking idea. Just paid for my chipotle in chocolate coins, though. Either there is a huge language barrier happening here, or my big boobs are finally paying off.
A whole bunch of large men eating Doritos just knocked on my door and asked if they could take out my trash?
I feel like every picture I upload of him on facebook where you can see his purity ring, I should make the caption "something in this picture does not belong"
I feel like a cloud. A cloud that wants to be laid.
Posh spice and Baby spice both in one night. Fantasy complete. God bless halloween.
When was the last time you made a good decision when you could've made a shitty one
I had a salad today
Screwed a girl without a condom but hey at least you got your veggies
we dropped acid in chinatown. worst. idea. ever. too many colors. and nobody has any idea where steve is.
we're in NC now and so far we've smoked a blunt in every state with the exception of Tennessee which we accidentally went to
I'm like, not good at living.
Randomize
