I dont shave on purpose to keep myself from being slutastic!! it usually works
He is going overseas for 8 months, not only was that blowjob a going away present, but i was supporting the troops
dude, there's a fucking musical in my head. it's fucking awesome being this high.
So many bounce houses so little time
You sprayed lysol all over me. You said that my soberness was infecting your night.
Your heart is a swirling cauldron of blackness that does not pump blood but rather a sludgey mixture of evil and broken dreams.
just almost had a panic attack because i couldn't find the granola bar i put in my purse. i miss klonopin.
I wish to strangle
whoa there darth vader
They won't let me buy alcohol in the airport until 9am. Super judgemental
I ate mushroom chocolates & went to the botanical gardens for Christmas. HAPPY FUCKING HOLIDAYS
He sent me a dick pic. I am fighting the urge to send him a "sorry for your loss" card.
If I could steal your goatee and hide it under my bed to keep your from wearing it, I would.
Also, you fell asleep with you hand on and around my cock last night.
Step 1 was make out with him. so now we just need to come up with step 2.
Yup we found her. The bouncer was carrying her out
Randomize
