Vomit. Vomit. Whatever. You wear a tiara in public.
how can you tell if its a queef or a fart from that close?
so he stopped for a second, looked up at me and said in a really creepy voice, "I can has cheeseburger?" and then went back to eating me out.
Just wanted to make sure that my favorite hot mess is still alive. I dont need words, just a response of any sort. K hope youre living
bhystjhitsjhtiajielrfrhaug
This is sufficient.
I'm wearing an NBA shooting sleeve while jerking off...and yes my arm has stayed warm
His bookmark is a piece of toilet paper. No shame there.
Nm. Exausted and my teeth just fell out again
Life just isn't the same without him waking me up at 4 in the afternoon with a look of pity on his face...
Fried chicken is a must. Do strippers eat fried chicken or should I plan on something else?
Please, by all means, tell me what can't be helped by two stiff drinks & a blowjob?
What I thought was my travel sanitizer was actually my travel lube. Most awkward transit ride of all time!
No other awkward car ride can beat the one you give your drug dealer home.
I take it you're alive?
Mostly. Can't quite control my arms.
I knew it was all downhill from there when the straight vodka I was drinking tasted like water.
The work outs are working. Someone just said my body type was “Tits On A Stick”.
Randomize
