Fun fact: he pulled out my nuva ring while he was fingering me.. he looked really confused at me and it a couple of times, so i just said "surprise! not only is it good for pleasure, it's also really handy for storing plastic toys." I'm thinking he's definately gonna call.
you wouldn't come out from under your bed because you said there were six-armed bears everywhere.
ohhh that explains the pepperonis I found in my sock drawer this morning...
no it doesn't.
We're playing a drinking game to 'how to train your dragon'. has it really come to this?
I tried to explain to the cop how we all have skeletons in our closets but he just wouldn't listen.
I'm sorry I ignored your high cries for help while you were grating cheese on my dog.
She had another shot and asked if I wanted to taste her tongue ring. Then I helped her pee.
my head hurts. i need an adult
and not like a cool parent adult. like a full fledged party pooper grandparent adult
ok so I've decided, new penis Thursday (formally known as new people Thursday) will need to be put on hold next week in preparation for Friday
Memorial weekend is the following week genius. New penis Thursday countdown has already begun.
I took 36 pictures of my lava lamp. your weed wins.
STONER SAFETY TIP: don't use the driver's side vanity mirror to check how red your eyes are while you're driving. it won't work. trust me.
We're super invested in me shitting to my full potential
Don't let me pee the bed... Its going to be one of those weekends
Just did the "lost my phone, need #'s" post and I got a text saying "go ahead and save me as Ashley-DD because I know you will anyway. I think I love her.
she said she was so hungover this morning in a way that sounded like she was apologizing for thinking she was attracted to me last night...
God. Spice Girls is now grocery store demographic. Kill me.
Randomize