it felt great physically, but AWFUL morally.
he said he didn't have a condom.
and you said?
that that's fine cause i was ready to be a mom. yeah - he magically had a condom he forgot about after that.
Oh no. He has the "I'm 30 years old and I just shit myself in public" face.
I distinctly recall there being a "I can't be dead 2maro" stipulation to going out last night. There's been a breech of contract
The bouncer at this strip club is my new best friend. He is also very persuasive. He got me to strip onstage for a t shirt. It's a nice shirt.
I cant do that to my vagina yet. its my prize posession.
Remind me again why a vodka watermelon can't be a thanksgiving dish
it's just one of those nights where i don't care if anyone sees my vagina
I'm not taking advice from anyone I've seen passed out naked at noon on the hood of a strangers car. Meaning you.
I put ketchup in a girls hair last night. I need a sorry balloon
You kept saying "this bitch", mumbled incoherently for like 5 minutes, took a shot, and kept going.
Don't need my thirties to be known as the decade of "new types of shits from drinking" like last night.
How did I pull off convincing everyone that my name is Dad? Maybe they were just distracted by my boobs.
i am no longer ashamed when i walk into the dining hall for sunday brunch and i'm greeted with applause for suriving my weekend
I ripped ass in on and around her face during a hard 69. I don't think she'll ever call me again.
Randomize
