you miss my big massive throbbing cock dont you?
Woah.
that's not how you spell hell yes.
KATE. I JUST NOTICED THAT LOWERCASE D'S LOOK LIKE SLIPPERS.
I'm watching Terminator eating a jar of marshmallow fluff. Trust me, you are not fat.
I can't believe I'm wasting this thong on a guy in a sweater vest.
he turned the pretty ricky playlist on. its about to go down.
If you're trying to piece together your night, I can tell you where those tassels came from.
If she wants to think that freshman 15 means sleeping with 15 guys than so be it I just gotta make sure I'm one of them.
Considering the fact that you wouldn't give me my cat last night because he was "destined for broadway", yeah, I'm accusing you of stealing him
The kid that passed out is still in the bathtub filled with ice and the empties
Most sexually ambiguous night of my life. Kept switching from the NBA finals to the Tonys.
On another note, why did I wake up wrapped in bubble wrap. I can only assume it was for my own safety
He got thrown out for leaning over the bar topless and pouring himself some beer while singing the james bond song
Is there a greeting card for "I can't keep being The Other Woman"?
Not gonna lie: had to look up how to spell fellatio. Not sure I spelled it right even now. Looks like a Shakespearean character. ENTER FELLATIO, SOLILOQUIZING.
He made me spaghetti, gave me wine and I fucked him on the floor, Is that a fair trade of services to you?
Randomize